Read Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman Online

queen-bees-and-wannabes

My daughter used to be so wonderful. Now I can barely stand her and she won't tell me anything. How can I find out what's going on? There's a clique in my daughter's grade that's making her life miserable. She doesn't want to go to school anymore. Her own supposed friends are turning on her, and she's too afraid to do anything. What can I do? Welcome to the wonderful worldMy daughter used to be so wonderful. Now I can barely stand her and she won't tell me anything. How can I find out what's going on? There's a clique in my daughter's grade that's making her life miserable. She doesn't want to go to school anymore. Her own supposed friends are turning on her, and she's too afraid to do anything. What can I do? Welcome to the wonderful world of your daughter's adolescence. A world in which she comes to school one day to find that her friends have suddenly decided that she no longer belongs. Or she's teased mercilessly for wearing the wrong outfit or having the wrong friend. Or branded with a reputation she can't shake. Or pressured into conforming so she won't be kicked out of the group. For better or worse, your daughter's friendships are the key to enduring adolescence--as well as the biggest threat to her well-being. In her groundbreaking book, Queen Bees and Wannabes, Empower cofounder Rosalind Wiseman takes you inside the secret world of girls' friendships. Wiseman has spent more than a decade listening to thousands of girls talk about the powerful role cliques play in shaping what they wear and say, how they respond to boys, and how they feel about themselves. In this candid, insightful book, she dissects each role in the clique: Queen Bees, Wannabes, Messengers, Bankers, Targets, Torn Bystanders, and more. She discusses girls' power plays, from birthday invitations to cafeteria seating arrangements and illicit parties. She takes readers into Girl World to analyze teasing, gossip, and reputations; beauty and fashion; alcohol and drugs; boys and sex; and more, and how cliques play a role in every situation. Each chapter includes Check Your Baggage sections to help you identify how your own background and biases affect how you see your daughter. What You Can Do to Help sections offer extensive sample scripts, bulleted lists, and other easy-to-use advice to get you inside your daughter's world and help you help her. It's not just about helping your daughter make it alive out of junior high. This book will help you understand how your daughter's relationship with friends and cliques sets the stage for other intimate relationships as she grows and guides her when she has tougher choices to make about intimacy, drinking and drugs, and other hazards. With its revealing look into the secret world of teenage girls and cliques, enlivened with the voices of dozens of girls and a much-needed sense of humor, Queen Bees and Wannabes will equip you with all the tools you need to build the right foundation to help your daughter make smarter choices and empower her during this baffling, tumultuous time of life. From the Hardcover edition....

Title : Queen Bees and Wannabes
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9781400047840
Format Type : ebook
Number of Pages : 352 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

Queen Bees and Wannabes Reviews

  • Kelly (and the Book Boar)
    2019-01-22 08:32

    Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/Remember the dreaded “video” you were forced to watch in 5th grade, right before you started pubin’ out and became horrible? Schools should eliminate that and add a mandatory class on how to survive “Girl World” to the curriculum instead.Queen Bees and Wannabes is the first parenting book I’ve ever read. I never bothered with all the Dr. Spock nonsense. I mean really, who would trust a VULCAN to give the right advice about parenting? They don’t even have emotions for God’s sake!As a mother of boys, this obviously wasn’t a book geared toward me. I do, however, often get asked if I’m “sad I didn't have more kids.” Well, to be blunt the answer has always been “if I didn't have to navigate them through Junior High and High School then . . . maybe.” This book confirmed those feelings . . . From the basics of mean girl behavior like gossip and slut shaming to more complex issues like drugs, alcohol, and sex - Queen Bees covers nearly everything. And while most of the advice seems to stem from basic common sense, if there’s one thing I’ve come to realize about ‘Muricans is there’s a good chunk of them that have none of it. Those people should flock to the bookstore stat in order to purchase this book.Personally, I love the common sense approach to parenting. No offense to all the religious zealots out there, but I’m not one of you so if I wanted a “godly” parenting book I would go to the Christian Book Store and pick one up (or I would just ask Tom Cruise).I was lucky, I guess. I never experienced much of the “mean girl” world as a kid. I was actively bullied one time. In Junior High School I was approached before school by a girl I knew from Adam who informed me she would be kicking my ass after school. Well, she didn’t, but she continued to inform me daily that she was still planning on it. My own private Dread Pirate Roberts.Good news to any youngsters reading this – if your bully is anything like mine she’ll get what’s coming to her . . . Ha! Not really, but there’s a good chance she’ll end up an unemployed loser with a bunch of kids in 20 years : )The basic goal is to be aware of what position your daughter is playing in her social hierarchy in order to help her navigate adolescence effectively. If you are unfortunate enough to be raising a “Queen Bee,” how to attempt to turn her into one who uses her powers for good rather than evil . . . Or if your poor kid happens to be the bullied rather than the bully, to hopefully get her to a point where she can say . . . Bottom line, parents need to actively work on helping to create less of this type of girl . . . and more of this type of girl . . . Oh, and stop trying to be your child’s BFF. It is your job to keep them from being assholes – and if you find out they ARE being assholes, it is your job to actually follow the advice in this book and make them own up to it and apologize. I’ll gladly take the “I hate yous” or being told “I’m the worst” (there’s a tiara with that written on it just for me) if it means my kid didn’t ruin someone else’s life.

  • Elisa
    2019-01-24 13:21

    I have read this book 4 times now. It is a must read for anyone who has to deal with women. It's not just about how to deal with "mean girls" as in teenagers, its also about mean little girls and mean women. The author stated that every woman, at one point or another, will play every roll in the book. I totally agree. It is not a book that you can just sit down and read. You have to read, digest. Read, digest. However, if you stick to it, you will have gained knowledge on how to not only help your daughters, sisters, and friends, but also yourself. I think people who say "I'll read this when my daughter starts experiencing this type of behavior" is not only selling themselves short, but the women in their lives as well. It's better to learn the skills early on... and be preemptive.

  • Bonnie
    2019-02-13 13:21

    This is a book I read after seeing the movie Mean Girls, which is a fictionalization of this actual book, although it is a nonfiction book, not a novel. I soooo wish this book had been around when I was in school. It was a revelation to me and explained the grand majority of social interactions that happened to me back then. The language is easy to read and precise without being technical or psychoanalytic. Good suggestions for getting out of bad situations -- bullying, gossiping, drinking parties, and so on. That sums up the book. I plan to read it with my girls when they get a bit older. The movie is NOT true to the book in any way, shape, or form. Unfortunately, the movie glamourizes the very behaviors the book teaches you to avoid. At the end of the movie, a teenager will remember only that Jell-O shots and conveniently out-of-town parents are a necessity for any teen party. So, if you want to start a meaningful dialogue with your daughter, skip the movie and read the book together, instead.

  • J
    2019-02-09 10:36

    Wow - I hated this book! I’m pregnant with my first child - a daughter - and overdosing on parenting books. I saw this book in the library and thought it looked interesting. This book was hard to read because it paints such a dramatic & painful view of female adolescence. It just isn’t realistic. I was a teen not that long ago. I was part of a clique and we were immature, but we never went to the lengths described as normal in this book. My childhood was actually really pleasant. It never occurred to me to drink, use drugs or have sex. I obeyed my parents. I focused on school. I went on a few dates later in high school, but never became obsessed with it. I had my first serious boyfriend in college and married my second boyfriend at 25. We honored our morals and waited until marriage to act like married people. All my friends had christian values and when someone fell short and behaved badly, they’d eventually seek forgiveness. The world described by the author just isn’t one I have ever experienced.Sex, drugs, drinking and disrespect for authorities is portrayed as normal. Those who disagree are dismissed as “in denial” or “niave”. The parents reading this book must have been truly messed up themselves to think this behavior is normal or acceptable. Maybe they are too busy trying to be their daughter’s friend or building her “self esteem” to actually parent. The book also completely disregards and pointedly does not acknowledge the role of God or morals. Umm, maybe all these problems exist because you are refusing to acknowledge God & morals! There is a section where the author says there is “no excuse” for not providing sex education to your daughter. She mocks those who believe in abstinence. There are also several sections on homosexuality and “accepting” this lifestyle. The author describes girls as “nasty” and this just has never been my experience.

  • Deborah
    2019-02-04 09:38

    I (obviously) am not the parent of an adolescent girl, but one of my colleagues recommended this book to me since we are starting to see some clique-ishness in the older girls at the school where I serve. The book has a very particular audience (parents), and sometimes the author's preachy tone and manner of simplistically classifying types of girls or situations rubs me the wrong way. I also tend to think that much of this is common sense. However, I suppose for some parents, this would be a decent road map of how to navigate parent-daughter interactions during the child's adolescence. And for anyone wishing to reminisce about the horrors of middle school mean girls, this will definitely bring up some bad memories . . .

  •  Jackie
    2019-01-28 14:30

    Honestly, watch Mean Girls! This book was the inspiration for the film and I think Tina Fey hit the nail on the head with the Queen Bee dynamic. Unfortunately, this book fails to address other groups besides middle/upper class white straight girls. There is little to no mention of any other racial demographic. I was disheartened that the author chose to relegate the topic of sexual orientation to a mere small chapter, sandwiched between heterosexual dating and sex. Overall, it's quite obvious (soccer moms in suburbia) who is viewed as the target audience.

  • Peacegal
    2019-01-20 16:13

    Queen Bees is more directed toward the parents of teenagers than Reviving Ophelia, but don't let that scare you off if you are a bullied student or interested in combating bullying from a sociological perspective.Queen Bees was a helpful resource for me, who was bullied by mostly female peers from early adolescence into early adulthood with varying degrees of visciousness. I occasionally return to materials on bullying to help me understand what happened to me and how it still shapes my personality to this day, and to help me be a better resource for patrons who may ask me about classroom cruelty.Wiseman helpfully categorizes the various players in cliques as Queen Bees, Sidekicks, Bankers, Floaters, Torn Bystanders, Pleasers/Wannabes/Messengers, and Targets. Humorously, I also categorized the cliquey girls in my high school lunchroom as "Class A's" (Queen Bees), "Class B's" (Sidekicks), and "Class C's" (Wannabes/Floaters). I fit into none of these, because, well, I was a textbook Target.Wiseman writes of the Target:-She feels helpless to stop the girls' behavior. -She feels she has no allies. No one will back her up.-She feels isolated.-She can mask her hurt by rejecting people first, saying she doesn't like anyone....She feels ashamed of being rejected by the other girls because of who she is. She'll be tempted to change herself in order to fit in. She feels vulnerable and unable to affect the outcome of her situation. She could become so anxious that she can't concentrate on schoolwork.Yep, that was me, all right. Queen Bees hits the nail on the head when it informs readers that teens will rarely tell their parents the whole scope of what's going on. The insidious thing about bullying is the way it takes control of your brain: "Are they seeing something I'm not?" "There must be something really wrong with me." "I can't let my parents know I'm such a loser, they would be so ashamed." Although my parents were aware I wasn't treated well, they had no idea of the true scope of it all. I honestly wish this book would have been available to them when I was starting junior high and high school. Wiseman also categorizes students outside the social cliques. I imagine I would have best fit into the "Quiet, Morose Girl/Loner" mold in high school...and, well, as an adult, for that matter. I do wish Wiseman would have talked more about how our social roles in youth often influence the development of our personalities as adults. The author spends much time discussing the crucial aspect of boyfriends and correctly states that a relationship is a "crucial validation" for a girl that "increases her sense of self-worth." What she does not state is that this value explicitly takes its cues from adulthood. We are not a culture that holds singledom in high regard. Even though I was very much an adult when I entered into my first serious relationship, I too felt the rush of validation when I could finally say I had a boyfriend. Most females in our culture look to males for feelings of belonging and self-worth, and this is a problem of society in general, not just youth culture.

  • Avon Gale
    2019-01-20 08:16

    This book was SO MUCH BETTER than that awful nonsense "American Girls" by Nancy Jo Sales that sent me into a rage blackout yesterday. You know why? This book actually treated teenage girls like they and their experiences mattered. Roaslind Wiseman is definitely wise, and I don't have kids but wow do I wish this book existed when I was a kid and going through the bullying in junior high. I love this because unlike books in which girls are treated like brainless morons who are a slave to consumer culture and boys, this book talks about the culture of teenage girls and praises girls for their complex social constructs, and deals honestly with how to maneuver through those constructs. I found it so refreshing to treat women, young though they may be, as having agency and responsibility in their lives that went far beyond "sex sells and boys" like so many books that deal with teenage girls and social/cultural studies. This was an honest and realistic look at how women learn to deal with each other and their lives in "Girl World" -- and it didn't shame girls for their choices, their sexuality or expressions thereof. It talked about real strategies and how to, instead of being panicked and afraid of teenage girls making mistakes, deal with those as life lessons that make you a strong, capable person. I feel like so many books about dealing with girls are focused on how they can "not make mistakes" that it ignores how growing up and learning is basing having/reacting to/learning from our experiences -- positive and negative. There's a level of respect and dignity with which Rosalind treats teenagers that shows she absolutely practices what she preaches. I don't have children, but objectively I enjoyed her frank conversations about parenting and saw a person who really does believe in her ideas -- without, say, the agenda-pushing of N.J. Sales and Peggy Orenstein, who seem more interested in starting a panic than dealing with the complexities of adolescence. So much respect for Rosalind's sex-positivity, her non-judgmental attitude and her strategies for dealing with conflict and interpersonal relationships. Women -- and men -- are absolutely held to a standard of behavior and there is no suggestion that women are going to have a problem making responsible choices -- or even irresponsible ones, because everyone makes those, regardless of gender -- "because boys and internet porn." This is a wonderful examination of how complicated women and our social interactions are, and it's refreshing to see those complexities examined critically and even praised instead of pushed aside or ignored.

  • Claire Greene
    2019-02-14 10:20

    This book is a must read if you have children. Not even just a girl, but any children. This book gives an enormous amount of insight into girls and, for that matter, women. Even if you have a boy, he will either date girls or be friends with them or both, so reading this book will still prove invaluable!The book itself is written well - very personable with a balance between informative information (facts, science, studies), personal anecdotes of both teens and moms, quotes from teen girls and a good amount humor. The resources section in the back alone is worth the price of the book (in my opinion). But beyond that, she has a great way of putting it all together to create an enjoyable and informative book.I'll admit that the book also did a lot of eye opening for me with regard to my own high school experiences and friends. I was NOT a queen bee but it was very interesting to realize what "type" I was, why certain circumstances were the way they were or played out the way they did (ie. queen bees being jealous and asserting their dominance, which I now realize had nothing to do with me, etc.) and TONS of suggestions on how to understand and deal with your teen daughter in a way that will honestly help while not being overly permissive. That fact is one I really appreciated - I often read things that seem to suggest being friends and allowing almost anything, which isn't something I don't agree with and can't stand. The author gives many realistic suggestions (not always what you want to hear, but based in reality!) and supports them with quotes from teen girls, specific examples, and describes in detail why they would be effective.There were a few times I thought it got a bit dry and I have been trying to get through and finish the book FOREVER, but I think it had more to do with the hectic nature of my life lately than any reflection on the author or her abilities. But I mention it because if you are not able to really read the book and give it the attention it deserves, I'd recommend setting it on the to-read shelf until you do have the time. If that will never happen on its own, then try to make the time because this book is invaluable. I know I'll be reading it again before my daughter becomes a teen and when she does, I plan on having this as a reference book and always handy, because I'll need it!!

  • Rachel
    2019-02-06 16:33

    Ugh, I really, really didn't like this book. I do not parent my kids in this way nor do I think that there is anything redeeming about the application of this book. I should have know by reading the back of this book that I would hate it. I really, really wanted to like this book. I hoped to find helpful and useful tools to use and gain insight into these years. The "landmines" were ridiculous and insulting to read. The book suggests that we, parents, are completely stupid and not attuned to our kids in the least. While I don't doubt that this author is passionate in the work that she does, I do doubt her authority in the field. According to her bio on her website, she has no education or formal training in the area of adolescents or psychology or teaching or anything vaguely related to this book. She did receive her undergraduate in Political Science in 1991. Oh, unless you want to count her second degree black belt in Tang Soo Do karate. Yes, I'm serious, it's listed in her bio.Overly simplistic, gross generalization, and opinions presented as fact are a few of the themes throughout the book. The book has little to no research to back up the findings of the author. This book just further perpetuates the stereotypes into which our society pigeon holes our youth. Furthermore, as a Christian mom, trying to raise a godly young woman, this book is completely devoid of any moral, ethical or character matters. "And although you might want not to admit it, she can even have a sexually healthy and responsible relationship with that boyfriend" Page 259. "Research over decades suggests that sexual behavior, identity and orientation exist on a spectrum where a minority of people are exclusively homosexual or exclusively heterosexual. Everyone else fits somewhere in the middle" page 221. WHAT research?!? "Seeing sexual identity and gender as fluid, changing and existing in a spectrum of possibilities challenges the fundamental tenets of our society and culture" pg 222.Great for clueless parents.

  • Hal Johnson
    2019-01-16 15:08

    The problem with so many non-fiction books is that they are fiction. So I was perhaps a little suspicious as I read Mean Girls: The Official Novelization, and wondered, Is this book an accurate depiction of life as an adolescent girl? There are several flags that feed my suspicions: Wiseman’s quotes from students are full of her own jargon (“queen bees,” etc.), and while I suppose her confidants may have picked this vocabulary up from Wiseman, there is certain element of self-congratulation in letting these unverifiable people (all names have been changed!) bandy your nonce-words around. Certainly Wiseman is not humble: the about the author runs two pages (!), and she appears in a sample dialogue thus:YOUR DAUGHTER: Ms. Wiseman, can I talk to you for a minute after class today?ME: Sure, is this something we are going to need some time for or privacy?You bet it is! How perceptive you are, Rosalind Wiseman, in anticipating the needs of your fictional characters!The point is, this sounds like the profile of a fudger. And certainly some things in the book simply cannot be true. For example, Wiseman states: “26 percent of youth report having to leave home because of their sexual orientation.” 26 percent of all youth? Really? She must mean 26% of gay youth, and even then it sounds high, unless leaving home includes going to Smith; did one quarter of gay youth even come out to their parents in 2002? I’m also a little dubious of the claim that “over 70 percent of pregnant and parenting teens are beaten by their boyfriends,” but she cites a source, and I guess it’s inside the realm of chance, unlike one quarter of the “youth” population being homeless.You will probably have noticed the ease with which Wiseman slips into the terminology of pop-sociology (does anyone else use the word “youth”?); the teen program she runs is called Empower. Wiseman takes great pains to cover different demographics, but the affluent This-American-Life world she is writing from, and presumably for, is never very well concealed. One of her funniest reveals is when she advises you as parents to invite “all the kids in the class” to your daughter’s birthday party; that is, unless “your daughter goes to a large public school and it isn’t feasible to invite so many people.” You can almost hear the snort as she writes this; after all, who sends a daughter to public school? A school with a graduating class of 25 is Wiseman’s default setting, but I don’t think it’s a large percentage of the population that shares this experience.I know next to nothing about what girls are like in junior high (the focus years of the book, if not its attendant movie), and I’d like to trust this book, my only source of information, but Wiseman keeps coming off as too unreliable. Certainly her overt statement that the First Amendment does not cover any speech that could hurt anyone, even if the person who would be hurt is not listening at the time, is not about to endear her to me. Nor is her (what the back cover blurb calls a) “welcome sense of humor,” which seems to consist of inserting a parenthetical “pun intended.” Some of the parts of Mean Girls I found most implausible come straight from the book. For example, remember the scene in which Tina Fey asks girls to close their eyes and raise their hands if they’ve ever been the victim of malicious gossip, and then tells them to open their eyes, and they see that everyone’s hand is up; and then she gets them a second time immediately afterwards with the same trick (“how many have gossiped maliciously?”)? I thought this was ridiculous, that no one would fall for the transparent mendacity of the second “close your eyes.” Well, Wiseman claims she pulls this twofer all the time. I’m just not sure. Frankly, her taxonomies of students (queen bee or wannabe? banker or messenger?) are unpersuasive and reductive, and her taxonomies or parents (I kid you not, there is a “What kind of parent are you?” section, with cute names for types, like in an online quiz) are either naïve or designed to flatter the reader.Other parts of the book are just weird. Wiseman’s instruction, oft-repeated, that everything one says to or hears from one’s daughter should be written down sounds more like a mental problem than anything else. And needless to say the sample dialogs owe more to guidance counselor handouts than reality, what with their earnest “I-messages,” heartfelt explanations, and respect for each other’s feelings. There’s also the ever-present specter of a wise and compassionate school official (a “trusted teacher”) who can come riding to the rescue if things get out of hand. I wonder whom Wiseman has in mind for that role...So, with all that...is junior high really like this for girls? Because it was nothing at all like this for me. This could be because I was a boy, it could be because I was completely alienated from human experience at the time, and it could be because life was different in the last century. Certainly the book’s brief description of boy culture only seems partially applicable to adolescence as I knew it. In junior high I was in a clique, it had a “queen bee” if that’s what you want to call the leader, and there may have been a bit of politicking to get into his good graces, but not very much. He was the leader because he thought of fun things to do and liked to set stuff on fire; I doubt he had any real power. Sometimes people wouldn’t get along. There wasn’t very much drama in the drama.Wiseman’s examples all seem to be predicated on a system in which the actions of the popular kids reverberate through the whole school, a thesis more tenable at Riverdale High than in the real world. I couldn’t name the most popular girl in my school. Certainly there were many popular people in my class, but they were an undifferentiated mass to me, as indistinguishable as a group of imperial stormtroopers; they were, of course, enemies, but what was going on in their world was completely terra incognita. Perhaps that’s due to my pathological social cluelessness, and perhaps it’s due to my having gone to one of those public schools with their ludicrously large classes.So do (or did) girls spend all their time politicking and betraying their friends in an attempt to please a “queen bee”? Girls should go read this book and then report to me if it’s true. Also if one quarter of you spent your teen years on the street due to sexual orientation, let me know. I’ll owe Wiseman an apology.

  • Corinne
    2019-02-02 11:29

    I have a thirteen year old daughter.There.I said it.Parenting said daughter is one of the most challenging things I have ever had to do and at this point in my life, that's saying something :) It's also one of the most rewarding because when we have a breakthrough or a tender moment, I appreciate it like I have never appreciated anything else!This book is like a travelguide into the world of parenting teen girls - we learn to navigate cliques and parties, harassment and dishonesty, mean girls and teaching responsibiliy. What I like about her style is that she made me feel like there were things I could do to make a difference in my daughter's life and gave very specific examples, sometimes role plays even, to help me know how I can handle particularly tough parenting moments. She empowered me to take a stand when it matters and to let things go when they don't. Truly, the part in particular about picking battles really helped me to readjust my thinking into a more flexible and compromising state and it helped my relationship with my daughter immensely. She taught me about what "girl world" is like and how hard it is for her to make a place for herself while still staying to true to the person she is and wants to be.I liked how she made us "check our baggage" - pay attention to how our own experiences and values may be clouding how we react to our daughters and their choices. I also liked all the quotes she gave from girls she has worked with - it certainly gives you a different perspective. There is a big section at the end about intimacy and rape and how to help your daughter make safe choices or how to handle it when things go very wrong.What I missed, and what I just read has been covered in an updated version of the book, is the influence of technology on Girl World - texting, social media, how to help your daughter to make wise technology decisions and how to handle cyber bullying. I probably will honestly check out this new version from the library because I really do like her honesty and straightforward style.A piece of advice - I honestly wouldn't try reading this until you begin to sense that the "teenager switch" has flipped on your daughter, or at least wait until middle school to read it. Otherwise, it will scare your pants off :)

  • Andrea
    2019-01-18 12:28

    I thought that this book started strong. But my problem with self-help books is that I grow bored of the topic. This book kept me until the last couple of chapters that I felt was pretty much common sense. But I feel strongly to urge every woman with or without daughters to read this book. It applies to those raising daughters and those still trying to grow up (which, let's be honest, is most of us). It helped me take a good look at myself and my "growing up as a girl" experience. Girls are just mean sometimes. I love that it helps give great advice to parents who will have to witness and help their daughters growing up in a girl-eat-girl world. I will definitely reread this as Catherine and Charlotte enter their fourth grade years to remind myself of what kind of parent I want to be and how I want to help shape my daughters as they grow into, hopefully, strong, intelligent, young women.

  • Jackie
    2019-02-14 15:24

    Reading this book as part of a teacher's group. It's interesting if you are a mom of a middle school girl or teach them or some how find them near and dear. The author get's a little silly by saying things like if you walk in your daughters room and she is have sex with her boyfriend, give them time to get dressed and come out of the bedroom. The apologize for having entered her room without knocking.... Ok the author can be very silly.

  • Shiralea Woodhouse
    2019-01-31 12:16

    This book is SO interesting and insightful about pre-teen and teen girls' social worlds. I actually bought it in hardcover so I could refer back to it when I start dealing with girl-problems with my own daughters! I think anyone interested in understanding this group (including the boys this age) better would find this book helpful!

  • Eustacia Tan
    2019-02-01 11:20

    You may be wondering why I read this book. I mean, I'm not a mom, or even a teenager trying to figure out what's going on. Well... I heard that this book inspired the movie Mean Girls (yes, I'm slow), and I was curious as to what kind of non-fiction book could inspire the movie. Although disclaimer: I've only watched the movie once, and if not for the ten year anniversary thing going on two years ago, I may not have remembered it (and yes, that's how slow I am).Basically, this book is on how to talk to your teenage girl like she's an adult, and not like a child. And a reminder to think back as to what the adult was like as a child, and to assume that the basic personality of the teenager is the same. The only thing that's different is the use of technology, and how that has changed the dynamic, making it easier for bullying to take place, and for news to spread.To be honest... I'm still not sure which part of the social hierarchy I was. I mean, I had a few close friends, but until I graduated, I didn't even know we had groups. I had to ask my friends and be told "Yes, Eustacia, we did have popular girls." So either this form of interaction is more applicable to Western societies, or I'm just really, really blur. It's one of the two.I did find the book interesting, even though I didn't really notice any of what she said happening. I'm guessing it's a Western/American sort of thing, or perhaps I was just a really, really obedient child. And now... I feel like watching the movie Mean Girls again - because now the mom who tries to be cool, the Queen Bee dynamic, and all that will start to make more sense to me (rather than just being a movie). Perhaps that's why the movie has stood the test of time - because it's based on real experiences and resonated with enough people.This review was first posted at Inside the mind of a Bibliophile

  • Jennifer
    2019-02-09 10:19

    My daughters and their friends have entered this high-drama phase in which I am assaulted nearly every day with stories of how so-and-so's feelings were hurt, how so-and-so said something mean, how so-and-so's sister threatened someone, how so-and-so's mother was threatening to call because...I decided to read this book so that I could understand what was going on, and teach my girls some strategies for dealing with conflict that did not involve them becoming either mean girls or doormats. The author gives one simple strategy, which she calls SEAL, in which you essentially identify the problem, approach people with specific examples (instead of saying, "You're being a real jerk," a girl could say, "I don't like it when you..."), ask them to stop, and give a sort of ultimatum (my words, not hers), that if things don't improve, there is no more obligation to continue the friendship. In the case that a bully is not a friend, but an actual bully, this strategy will show that one is willing to stand up for herself, but I can't see how it will actually stop bullying from happening.Perhaps it's not fair to give the book two stars for this reason, but it was not the right book for me at this time. Though the first half is geared for younger girls, I still felt it that was more appropriate for older girls. And the section for older girls or teens was way too eye-opening! If what she's describing is true, it really is a jungle out there, and basically, teenage girls are evil. But I'm not supposed to think that, I'm supposed to give them strategies for navigating all of the pitfalls they will encounter. What I'd like is a more gospel-centered book that has advice for my daughters on how to be good friends, how to avoid bad friendships, and how to develop self-confidence that is rooted in the assurance of God's love for them.

  • Marianna
    2019-02-01 08:18

    I finished this book in pretty much one day. The idea is simple: Wiseman teaches you as a parent what could go on in your teenage girl's (and a little bit of a teenage boy's) social and school life. Wiseman was quite spot on. I as a fresh-out-of-high-school student thought she hit all advice and diagrams right on the nail. When reading, I was quite aware that the book was the basis for the film Mean Girls. It was cool finding specific parts that were talked about (for example, the junior girls meeting in the gym scene took lines from an experiment Wiseman held and talks about early on in the book). One thing I didn't like is how Wiseman somewhat leads you to believe your child WILL do bad things in high school. I think we all know that that's not necessarily true, and she probably didn't even deliberatley want to bring that point across. She also had a nice little list of movies you can watch and discuss with your daughter and while I do like a lot of the movies listed, it's really silly to sit and ask your daughter how you relate to Whoopi Goldberg's character in "The Color Purple" for example. But do what you want; I'm not your daughter's keeper, or yours.So, if you feel your teenage daughter is...well, being a teenager and you don't understand, I suggest picking this up. And always be open minded when reading this. That's all I suggest. Very easy, very interesting.

  • Laurel Garver
    2019-01-23 12:20

    I'd heard a lot of buzz about this book years ago, and as my daughter is now a tween, I though it might be a good resource.There are some helpful things--particularly the analysis of the hierarchical structure of girls' friend groups or cliques. Wiseman also does a great job helping you as a parent navigate with your child the minefield of bullying.I found her approach to drinking and drugs and partying less helpful, though it certainly backed up my instinct to get my kid into Christian school for middle school, where at least I can have some expectation that other families don't consider being sexually active at 12 something "normal". There's no sense that parents have any control about creating alternate communities where kids can hang out and have fun without underage drinking and illegal drug use. These things don't have to be "givens" of adolescence. There are many positive things parents (and kids themselves) can do to steer teens away from partying. If you're a Christian parent, be aware that her suggestions for dealing with some issues seem a bit too much throwing in the towel, with an underlying assumption that all kids will run amok and all you can do is damage control.

  • royaevereads
    2019-01-18 13:26

    3.5Although this is a parenting book, as a young women (actually to be honest I think any human would find the same) I could still take away some good lessons from this book. The general idea conveyed is that we need to educate young people and raise them in such a way that they become able to make the right decisions for themselves. There were some fantastic thoughts in here about important issues such as beauty ideals, racism, the impact of the growth of technology, using "just joking" or "no offence but" as a way to insult someone whilst limiting their right to be upset about it, homophobia, gender roles and the expectation placed on boys/men that they should internalise their feelings. Many great points were made. Things I didn't like was that sometimes it was a bit too conservative in its views for my liking and I wasn't a fan of the format, it felt too all over the place for me. But that's just down to what I like, I still highly recommend this book as it makes some wonderful observations about the world we all live in, not just Girl World.

  • Kirsti
    2019-01-27 12:22

    I enjoy pop psychology, and I liked the movie Mean Girls (which was based on this book), so I thought I'd give it a try.Reading this did not give me horrible flashbacks to my middle-school years. :-) But it did give me some interesting insights on roles girls play. Queen Bee, Sidekick, Wannabe, and Target are all pretty obvious, but Banker was a surprise to me. I assumed she was a girl who tried to buy popularity or friendship. Actually, she is someone who collects embarrassing or damaging information about others and then leaks it or otherwise reveals it to add to her own power. Basically, she's Henrietta Kissinger. Other girls do not necessarily imitate her, but she is never left out of anything. Parents and teachers often find her baffling because she seems sweet and inoffensive, yet others her age seem afraid of her.

  • Michelle
    2019-01-27 12:24

    Enlightening. I was hesitant about this book's thesis. But after refection I agree that a girl's position in the social heirarchy can affect whether she becomes a perpetrator, bystander, or victim first among her relationships with girls and then later among her relationships with boyfriends.I also now see the limitations of a "just say no" campaign. And besides just scaring parents by iluminating the realities of Girl and Boy World in Adolescence, Wiseman also offers tips, techniques, scripts for better communication between parents/children, children/friends, girlfriends/boyfriends. I haven't yet purchased my copy, but I'm considering adding this book to my shelf for reference. Meaty reading especially if you reflect about your own experiences.

  • Donna Lyn
    2019-02-14 08:17

    in depth descriptions but i also felt the book was very limiting by the labeling. i know tons of kids who 'rise above' the games and who could really care less about who's in and who's out. i almost got the impression that in a way the author is way into the drama of it all and working in the schools she's sort of a queen bee by being in the fray. i'm thankful for my faith and how that gives purpose to 'treat others how you want to be treated' and also service projects that get focus of yourself and onto serving others with love. that whole aspect was basically not addressed. the role plays were unrealistic - yes, in an ideal world our kids could say those things but in the real world they will just get a 'whatever' and maybe a laugh from their peers. sad but true.

  • Tracey
    2019-01-26 09:36

    This book was better than 3- maybe a 3.5. It was well written but to be honest it scared me a little bit! It had a lot of really good information and helpful things for dealing with your daughter as she goes through middle school and high school. However, I think it made it seem almost like your daughter could not possibly go through high school with doing something really bad. And in the chapter about sex I felt that teaching abstinence was not discussed enough. I know it wasn't a "religious" book but religious or no, I feel that even though a good percentage of teens do have sex, we as parents do not take an active role in their sex education, and really dicussing all the dangers of early and/or premarital sex.

  • Melissa Fowler
    2019-01-26 08:11

    I don't even want to give this a star. No matter how much you can idnetify with the scenerios Wiseman constructs, the advice she gives on how best to help your daughter navigate through the murky waters of girlness is complete...and total... crap. A better choice would be Rachel Simmon's Odd Girl Out--or really ANYTHING besides this.

  • Willa
    2019-02-12 09:35

    It was interesting to hear the perspective of a counselor who works with real girls from real schools all over the US. The book is about how girls relate to each other in the school scene and how it affects their lives and behavior. There are lots of stories about real girls, and even letters written to the author by girls of different ages, or written accounts of experiences and perspective.It was especially interesting to hear about the different roles that girls in a group take --- Queen Bee, Sidekick, Banker (someone who is a repository for information and finds a niche in the group by being an indispensable resource for gossip), Messenger (something like a banker, but lower in status and communicates from one group to another). Then there are wannabes, torn bystanders (who don't like cruelty but are reluctant to intervene and bring group condemnation on themselves) and targets, who get persecuted by the group. Finally, there are Champions, though this category is not described in much detail. It means that the individual is willing to be true to herself and fair to others around her, and speak up for those who are unfairly treated. This is the standard, of course, but it strikes me as slightly unrealistic. I wonder how many girls are capable of, or should be expected to, deal with the level of pressure described and still come out as Champions rather than Targets. I can see some truth in the divisions but it seems to assume that there is no way out of the clique world and that everyone in school is defined in relation to the group. I do see from my own experience that the groups seem to want to identify everyone that way -- but that's exactly the reason why I think the situation should be looked at from a somewhat wider perspective. There is some acknowledgement of this in the fact that there are different cliques or groups. But she uses the language of "top", "middle" and "bottom" which is again language used by those who want to put everyone into categories -- the very tendency that is a problem in the Girl World.I suppose that I can see why the author approaches it this way. She is describing how the Girl World works and trying to give girls ways to maneuver through it and still keep self-respect. However, you end up feeling that the roles of Queen Bee, Messenger etc are inherently dysfunctional, so any solution will be somewhat in the nature of a bandaid.The book, though interesting, was somewhat discouraging to me because within the descriptions given, there seems hardly any way for a girl to survive with integrity and without emotional wounds. The main method used to deal with injustice --- say, a web site devoted to humiliating you and destroying your reputation -- is a tactic called SEAL where the victim is supposed to state the problem to the perpetrator, tell how it affects here, and what she wants the perpetrator to do to stop. It seems like the value of this procedure would be to keep from internalizing the injustice, and to bring the problem out into the open. But at the same time, it didn't sound like much of a defense against the kind of openly mean and vicious behavior often described. So I was left feeling discouraged -- like reading an analysis of Lord of the Flies where girl versions of Simon and Ralph and Piggy are told how to stand up to Jack and Roger. In one way the book seemed like a realistic description of what is going on in the Girl World but in another way it seemed to confirm the claustrophobic and unsupervised setting that is the very advantage that the Queen Bees and their sidekicks will continue to have over those who don't want to or can't fit into their scene. So I found the book a convincing diagram of some of the things that can go on in school but not altogether a realistic road map out of there or survival kit for preserving psychic safety and well being. I wouldn't blame the author, because she is working on the front lines as a medic, not a general, but I couldn't help being negatively affected by the differences in power -- how much a mean girl can do to destroy another girl and how little the adults and other girls can really do to stop the evil. As a homeschooler, I came away with the feeling that whatever the challenges involved in homeschooling, it would have its rewards just in keeping a girl out of the raw and emotionally violent settings described.

  • Monica
    2019-02-15 12:13

    Book Review: Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman She is a slut. She is trying too hard. What is she wearing? He is desperate for attention. He is so dumb. Ugh. These phrases are all too common in the teen world. Between the ages of twelve and eighteen years, teenagers’ worse critics are themselves—along with the other three hundred or so students that go to their school. Rosalind Wiseman’s Queen Bees and Wannabes is a nonfiction book that guides parents and teens alike through the obstacles of the adolescent world. Wiseman is an internationally renowned expert on children, teens, parents, bullying, and social justice. Her knowledge and expertise evidently comes through the story with the critical thinking she expresses on the subject. The story primarily focuses on girls, cliques, and social status. Wiseman explains that these three things are all intertwined. What girls say and what they do can all be traced back to these three things. Wiseman makes undeniable connections and fosters deep discussion that compels me to agree with her thesis. Girls deeply want to fit in. Being considered “out” or “not fitting in” can mean several things according to the book. Girls who are not popular, who have a negative reputation, who do not fit a preconceived image, or who are just simply different can earn them the title of being “out”. Attempting to fit in or increasing your social status is the biggest theme that is presents in this book. My reaction right off the bat was that the stuff that Wiseman was describing is quite true. “Most girls are obsessed about their looks…” (76). This was one of the many quotes I found myself nodding my head in agreement. Girls are the most self-conscious beings in the world. Many of us constantly look and compare ourselves to other girls. It is no secret us girls have many insecurities. My nose is too big. My thighs are too fat. My skin is so terrible. There is always something we do not like about ourselves. This is quite true for everyone as a matter of fact. No surprise in that. What does strike me though, is how something as simple or trivial as fitting in means so much to us in our adolescent years. It may be true that this desire may dim down over the years, but in middle school to high school, it is the hot topic. Wiseman does a great job interweaving and expressing the teenage angst in this. Throughout the book she lays out quotes from real girls and boys that have taken in her Empower classes. “’I should be what other people want me to be. I should act how they want me to act or else I won’t have any friends. Jane, 18’” (127). As a side note, Empower classes are essentially where Wiseman discusses the topics she has in this book to girls and boys ranging from middle to high school. With all this talk about teenage girls and their antics, Wiseman does a good job of not forgetting the parents in this situation. At the end of every chapter the author outlines a What Can You Do section where she gives advice to parents on how to react, handle, and deal with the situation or issue their daughter has. This was quite an effective way to include the parents. It makes readers know that girls do not have to deal with the things they are dealing with by themselves; they will always have someone to talk to no matter what. All in all Wiseman does a fantastic job explaining the issue of fitting in which is the predominate theme she outlines throughout the book. The tactics she uses were effective in the sense that it was organized, it provided real world examples, and it made sure to include everyone. While this was a nonfiction story, it was still interesting to read. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in making sense of the complicated world of adolescence.

  • Dorota
    2019-02-05 16:23

    I'm usually very sceptical about books like this one, guides like "What to expect when you're expecting " and other studies on how to raise children. I always think to myself that my mom was able to deal with her parenting issues without any books, and hopefully I will be able to do it also. Then, I decide to give it a try and see some of the questions I have answered from other perspectives. Unfortunately, at least in my case, these books often create more fear than they offer reassurance. There are two reasons I reached for this book. Reason number one, Tina Fey mentioned it in her book "Bossypants" and she based her "Mean Girls" movie on it. Tina can do no wrong, so I thought I might check it out. Reason number two, my daughter just started middle school and she already had her first "mean girls" moments. She dealt with them better than I would have when I was younger. Nevertheless, it wouldn't hurt to look at what this book had to offer and prepare myself for some future dramas.That being said, I didn't really like this book all that much. Some of the parts were so obvious, like the fact that there is no reason WHATSOEVER for an eleven year old girl to have any social media. Some parts kind of annoyed me, like the part about cliques and what roles your daughter might play in them. I didn't like putting the girls in all the categories the author created. Some parts were kind of interesting and meant to be read by the girls themselves. I had my daughter read the part about who and when to tell when there is a problem. I'm hoping that my daughter would always come to me, but I'm also a realist and know that maybe sometimes she won't. Bottom line, I think that no book will ever replace frequent conversations between parents and kids and parents involvement to the maximum in their kids lives. Maybe my daughter is still too young for me to picture her in a lot of the situations described in the book. Maybe I'm just old fashioned and too much of a know-it-all to listen to what the book had to offer. Maybe I will reach for it again in the future. For now, I'm just going to stick to my instincts and follow my intuition.

  • Ann JaNee
    2019-02-02 10:10

    I think this book can be a little dangerous because as we read about the queen bee and her hive, we begin to try to figure out who we were growing up and even who we and others are now (as adults). Looking through this distorted lens, we may not like what we see- and it's easy to misjudge ourselves and others. I have to remind myself that the descriptions of the queen bee and her hive (chap 3) come from the author's research of problematic adolescent girls ideas. So, these descriptions are extremely limiting, distorted and completely messed up. These behaviors should not fit the behavior of adult women (but sometimes do unfortunately).On the other hand, I do feel the book is a powerful guide to young girl's minds and what they might be facing at school. I appreciate the chapter on technology. The book can empower parents to recognize problems and solutions for their daughters. There are some helpful strategies like SEAL, p61. It is helpful in recognizing when someone is being bullied and how to help etc..The book made me think. Each of us can decide on our own who we are. We don't need to let anyone dictate to us who we are. We define our selves. We have agency, the power to choose for our selves our own path. To understand that is a very powerful thing. In our discussion of this book several of us also agreed that there are healthy groups of girls/women where there may be a leader who is kind and compassionate not a "queen bee" and all are treated with respect.

  • Nikki Stafford
    2019-01-31 16:11

    I wish I didn't have to read this book, but the bullying situation at my daughter's school has gotten so out of hand it had become a necessity. It's a helpful book with some really good ideas, many of which I implemented in helping my daughter navigate through the tight-knit social cliques in her school (we're talking grade 4 here... ugh) but it definitely only dealt with more traditional problems. Fortunately, that's what my daughter is dealing with (queen bees, messengers, cruel notes being passed around, her being caught between wanting to be in the group and wanting nothing to do with them), but if your daughter is dealing with bullying over homosexuality or being targeted specifically, I don't think it would help much. This is more focused on dealing with the clique itself and its role in the classroom, not individuals who have become the targets of these people. And also, in my case, it didn't deal with the parents who are helping contribute to the bullying by texting nasty things to other parents about their daughters, and then telling their own daughters what the parents said so that those little girls can then go to school armed with what their parents gave them. The culture that grew up doing the bullying in the 80s is now perpetrating the bullying in the 2010s; perhaps that's something Ms. Wiseman might be able to deal with in her next edition. Overall, a very good read that helped me in my situation.