Read The Soul of Discipline: The Simplicity Parenting Approach to Warm, Firm, and Calm Guidance- From Toddlers to Teens by Kim John Payne Online


In this groundbreaking book, parenting expert and acclaimed author of the bestselling book Simplicity Parenting Kim John Payne, M.Ed., flips the script on children’s challenging or defiant behavior and lays out an elegantly simple plan to support parents in establishing loving, age-sensitive boundaries that help children feel safe and settled. In short: What looks like misIn this groundbreaking book, parenting expert and acclaimed author of the bestselling book Simplicity Parenting Kim John Payne, M.Ed., flips the script on children’s challenging or defiant behavior and lays out an elegantly simple plan to support parents in establishing loving, age-sensitive boundaries that help children feel safe and settled. In short: What looks like misbehavior is actually your children’s signal that they’re feeling lost, that they are trying to find direction and looking to you to guide them back on course.   Payne gives parents heartwarming help and encouragement by combining astute observations with sensitive and often funny stories from his long career as a parent educator and a school and family counselor. In accessible language, he explains the relevance of current brain- and child-development studies to day-to-day parenting. Breaking the continuum of childhood into three stages, Payne says that parents need to play three different roles, each corresponding to one of those stages, to help steer children through their emotional growth and inevitable challenging times:   • The Governor, who is comfortably and firmly in charge—setting limits and making decisions for the early years up to around the age of eight • The Gardener, who watches for emotional growth and makes decisions based on careful listening, assisting tweens in making plans that take the whole family’s needs into account • The Guide, who is both a sounding board and moral compass for emerging adults, helping teens build a sense of their life’s direction as a way to influence healthy decision making   Practical and rooted in common sense, The Soul of Discipline gives parents permission to be warm and nurturing but also calm and firm (not overreactive). It gives clear, doable strategies to get things back on track for parents who sense that their children’s behavior has fallen into a troubling pattern. And best of all, it provides healthy direction to the entire family so parents can spend less time and energy on outmoded, punitive discipline and more on connecting with and enjoying their kids.Advance praise for The Soul of Discipline  “The Soul of Discipline offers practical tools for helping parents implement discipline that’s respectful and effective, but the book is so much more. Kim John Payne offers a framework to guide parents in making decisions about why, when, and how to hold tighter reins as we build skills in our children, and why, when, and how to loosen the reins as we scaffold freedom.”—Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., co-author of No-Drama Discipline  “This book gets deep inside the challenge of getting along with children and teens and thinks deeply about what they need from us to become strong and self-managing. It elevates discipline to what it should be—a caring process of helping kids orient to the world and live in it happily and well.”—Steve Biddulph, author of The New Manhood   “Kim Payne provides a useful model for choosing our parenting stance—Governor, Gardener, or Guide—depending on the situation. Most powerfully, Payne begins with the radical view that children are not disobedient but rather disoriented. The upshot of this shift in perspective is that discipline is about helping children orient themselves effectively, not about controlling or chastising.”—Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of Playful ParentingFrom the Hardcover edition....

Title : The Soul of Discipline: The Simplicity Parenting Approach to Warm, Firm, and Calm Guidance- From Toddlers to Teens
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9780345548672
Format Type : Hardcover
Number of Pages : 336 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

The Soul of Discipline: The Simplicity Parenting Approach to Warm, Firm, and Calm Guidance- From Toddlers to Teens Reviews

  • Tonia
    2019-04-24 12:30

    Overall, I really liked this book and gained some valuable perspective from it. Now, I found myself not 100% agreeing with everything and found some of the approaches a little tedious (with several steps to resolve a problem) but as a whole I really related to the approach. It is refreshing to find a book that stresses the importance of maintaining family values no matter what...even when dealing with very minor issues. I also appreciate the scope of this book, from toddler to teenager, because it is difficult to find a book that can advise you in all of these stages with one overall concept, and especially one that feels realistic and useful. At the heart of the book are the Governor, Gardener, Guide roles...three life stages that require different interaction from the parent, all centered on true parent-child connection. I found some of the concepts in this book to be an asset to my parenting toolbox. Overall, a really helpful book!

  • Rachel
    2019-05-05 13:36

    If you have read Simplicity Parenting and think that you do not want to read another Kim John Payne book, I recommend you re-consider and try The Soul of Discipline. Simplicity Parenting, while I agree that the premise of the book is spot on, to some people it feels heavily opinionated. I have just seen Mr. Payne speak and I don't think that is his personality. I think he was just trying to make things simple for all of us. Please try to take away the gist of Simplicity Parenting: Buffer the culture and let your child grow up slowly at his own pace without hurrying. Now, on to how to actually DO it (the parenting thing)... The Soul of Discipline. I checked it out from the library, then I BOUGHT IT. Calm, Warm and Firm. From young child to Teen. I wish I had this book when my first child was a baby. It feels like what I have been aspiring to all along, but when put so simply, I can actually feel myself able to put it into practice now! How many times I have heard that punishments don't work or are wrong for some reason (such as by Alfie Kohn, et. al), but when Kim John Payne put it to me something like this, it CLICKED (in this book The Soul of Discipline): If you offer a reward for X behavior, you are negotiating. Because the child can evaluate the reward and decide if he wants it or not. So X behavior/task is optional if he wants to forgo the reward. (My wording). I immediately used that to make some changes. Plus, I was able to orient myself to the correct developmental stage of my two children. Kids need to be influenced and re-oriented, while trying to control is going to backfire. I have even more hope that I will be able to Guide them through their Tweens and Teens and not just "hope" that it works out. I know that they need my guidance and I can help them grow into their own true selves and develop their own inner guidance system by the time they reach adulthood. Yay!

  • Jennifer
    2019-05-22 14:31

    OMG. I LOVE this book. It was written for me and my parenting trials and tribulations. Actual instruction instead of just warm, fluffy ideals. In my opinion . . .

  • Heather O'Neill
    2019-05-03 13:17

    I picked up this book because it is by an author that is highly referenced in the Waldorf community for his book Simplicity Parenting (I still need to read that book). I was interested to see what he had to say about discipline as my kids need it sometimes :). He basically says that there are three stages of parenting kids and during each of those stages the parents have to take on a certain role. The first stage birth-7-9 the parents are the Governors. We tell the kids what they need to do and don't give them the power of deciding how things will be. The second stage are the tween years 9/10-13/14 and in this stage the parents are the Gardeners. We are cultivating these kids to become the people that they want. They get more freedoms from the earlier stage, but we still are the ones that make the final decisions. The last stage is the teenager stage and the parents are the guides. We are there to help guide our children and work with them to attain their goals. Most of the stuff in the book was common sense to me and I did take away a few ideas from it. All of the sections about the tweens and the teenagers didn't apply to me and I have no idea if what he says would work, it did sound like it would. It would be interesting to refer back to this book when my kids are in those stages. The book was a quick read and if you are having some issues with disciplining your kids then this book might help.

  • Jaclyn Harrison
    2019-04-30 13:44

    Revisiting this review: I have actually noticed a difference by implementing some of these techniques. My favorites are (for birth to age 9):1. Telling rather than asking my child to do something. Example, instead of politely asking, "Can you get your coat on?", I politely tell him, "Go get your coat on." The author's theory here is that by asking, your child thinks he has some say in the matter, when he really doesn't because he needs to go get his coat on. So when he refuses and then you get angry, he gets confused. More often than not, now, my child will actually go get his coat on without me needing to tell him twice.2. Not repeating a request. I admit, I was truly skeptical about this one, but it works in practice. Using the same example in #1 above, if my child does not go get his coat on, instead of telling him again, you are to break it down into smaller steps. For example, maybe you need to first tell him, "Put down your toys." then, "Go to the laundry room (or wherever you keep the coats)" and then finally, "Put on your coat." It may seem like a pain to have to do this, but seriously it works and it will save your sanity by not having to scream at your child to go get his freakin coat on.3. There is some more in the book on connecting with your child before giving a directive. I was already trying to do this, and will continue to try to remember to do this.I will probably revisit this book every couple of years for a refresher.Initial review: I like the concept of the three different roles parents need to play depending on the age. I only read the chapters dealing with The Governor Phase - early years to around age 9. I will try the tips out for the younger kids and depending how it goes, I'll revisit the book in a few years to read chapters re: the older kids.

  • Sojourner
    2019-04-28 20:43

    The Soul of Discipline: The Simplicity Parenting Approach to Warm, Firm, and Calm Guidance - From Toddlers to Teens by Kim John Payne, who is a school and family counsellor for more than thirty years, is a path-breaking resource book most parents with toddlers and teens will find extremely useful. The book is designed to provide children with well-defined boundaries and save parents from the feeling of free fall when confronted with challenging disciplinary situations.From her own experience the author points out that there are no genuinely disobedient child or teen. She explained, “What I have encountered are myriad disoriented kids.” It falls on the parents to set the matter right and chart the course and pointed out the value of slowing down and simplifying family life. The Soul of Discipline explores what is at the heart of disciplining kids through a three-tiered Governor-Gardener-Guide parenting approach.This resourceful book containing five parts and eleven chapters will also help parents to be more inquisitive and less accusative as The Soul of Discipline seeks to meet the challenges of raising children in a healthy, flexible way. The simple approach emphasized by author Kim John Payne will also help guide parents toward more open minds and more responsive hearts.

  • Karen
    2019-04-30 15:29

    I have read a lot of parenting books. I mean, A LOT of parenting books. Some have been great, some very good, many are pretty basic or so simplistic that I cannot remember one word of it after I am done. The Soul Of Discipline is very good. I really appreciated that there was solid information about the middle years which can be hard to find. It is sensible, accurate and rooted in parenting through connection. I liked the developmental approach and I can imagine using it as I navigate the challenges and joys of those years. I did find some of the jargon distracting and it made it seem more messy and complicated than it is.Like Simplicity Parenting I do not think his advice is sound for all kids and families and I do not think there that there are only "disoriented" kids. Children, like all humans, are very, very complicated and there are biological, genetic, psychological, environmental factors that account for it, besides that there is so much we do not even know or understand. Despite that caveat, I think that this is a good guide, a solid framework in which to hold parents through typical challenges. This book will be a keeper for me and I thank NetGalley for the opportunity to review this book.Thank you to NetGalley for allowing me to review this book for an honest opinion.

  • Laura
    2019-05-15 19:28

    If I could give this book 10 stars I would. The idea of us parents being a Governor/Gardner/Guide to our children through their developmental stages just resonated with me. Also the concept that children and not disobedient but just disoriented! Brilliant! Within a few hours I started to implement some of Kim's ideas in my parenting methods and my daughter who is strong willed began to respond in wonderful ways! Cannot wait to hear him speak in a town close to mine soon! Thank you! In my minimalist mode to simplify my life I did not purchase this book but borrowed it from the library. I will invest in my own copy now because I really need to reread and highlight it!

  • Shalyce
    2019-05-14 13:44

    Textbook parenting This wasn’t a book filled with new ideas for me, as I felt it largely drew on basic material in the field of study. At times I felt like I was reading a textbook for one of my college classes. If you haven’t read that type of material I believe it would be fairly informative. It did have some good ideas it shared, but wasn’t anything especially new. This is a good basic parenting book to read.

  • Elizabeth
    2019-04-27 16:21

    I found the frameworks described in this book incredibly helpful in thinking about our changing roles as parents with regards to discipline and leadership. I skipped the teenaged section but will definitely return to it in 10 or so years.

  • Allison
    2019-05-21 12:19

    About 1/3 of the book was relevant as the other chapters discussed discipline for tweenagers & teenagers, but I enjoyed what I read. Not quite as transformative as Simplicity Parenting, but worth a read.

  • Kelly
    2019-05-08 18:22

    This book provides a framework for providing discipline from the toddler years until your kid is in their teens. I think it may be helpful for older kids, but the stuff for toddlers isn't practical. You're supposed to insist that your child do what you say, but never repeat an instruction? Good luck with that!

  • Laura
    2019-05-05 18:17

    Since I didn't finish this, I'm not counting it towards my challenge. However, since I got 2/3 of the way through it, I thought I'd share.His ideas are sound. I really like the 'Governor, Gardener, Guide' philosophy at the center of this book. I think that if I had read his earlier book first (Simplicity Parenting), I might have been more open to this. But in reading the Governor sections, which would apply to my children's ages, it just seems overwhelming, and not really my style. There were many places where they'd say things like, 'Just remember these 5 points. . . ' but when they elaborated on the points, each one had 6 exceptions, so there were really 30 things to remember. The book is also very copy-dense - again, I think the methods are sound - but it's a lot to get through. It probably says something about my parenting style that I need pictures and snappy anecdotes to break up the theory:)I'm attracted to a lot of the ideas here, and in many ways the Simplicity Parenting philosophy is something I'd like to adapt, at least to a degree. But I just don't think I'm there yet. I could see picking this back up in a few years, when my kids are a little more independent.

  • Angela
    2019-05-05 19:41

    Love how he sets out a framework for thinking about discipline and how he makes it more proactive than reactive. I've started using some of the suggestions already and they work amazingly quick! I especially liked the chapter on screen time. It is a very scary world that our children will be growing up in, but maybe that's what every generation thinks? This book has helped me check my own behaviors and reactions and pause before I react to something my kid is doing. An excellent read!

  • Kristen Williams
    2019-04-30 12:25

    Loved this book for both its philosophy as well as practical parenting tips. I first checked it out from the library; however I ended up buying it because it's a book I can come back to over and over as my son grows.

  • Sara
    2019-04-30 17:17

    So I have a feeling I'll be reading this book several more times. It was enlightening, terrifying and gave concrete examples. Now if I can get Todd to read it :) Too much screen time... all of us - too much.

  • Michelle Corder
    2019-04-29 17:21

    This was a very good book. I read his other book, Simplicity Parenting and loved it so much that I had to read this one too. I already follow the approach he talks about, but he provides new ideas and perspectives, because some times parenting is a real challenge. Definitely recommend!

  • Courtney Clark
    2019-05-21 19:22

    Payne's Simplicity Parenting almost defined my parenting style. It was that important to me, when my oldest was a toddler. So maybe I expected too much from this book? Seems like your average parenting guide.

  • Stan
    2019-04-25 12:27

    Some good ideas buried within a lot of tedious information and metaphors.

  • Nicole
    2019-04-30 18:27

    There are a few good points in this book. It's not a book I would recommend, though.

  • Kimberly Allen
    2019-04-29 14:16

    Little tidbits of information, but overall it was nothing new. I really enjoyed the last chapters on media usage.

  • Rhea
    2019-04-30 20:27

    Repetitive but helpful.