Read How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything – Yes, Anything! by Albert Ellis Online


Most emotional misery and psychological disturbances are unnecessary over-reactions and can be significantly reduced – that is the simple message of this book. Not only are anger, anxiety and depression unnecessary, they are unethical, for when you allow yourself to become emotionally disturbed you are being unfair and unjust – to yourself. Dr. Albert Ellis, the originatorMost emotional misery and psychological disturbances are unnecessary over-reactions and can be significantly reduced – that is the simple message of this book. Not only are anger, anxiety and depression unnecessary, they are unethical, for when you allow yourself to become emotionally disturbed you are being unfair and unjust – to yourself. Dr. Albert Ellis, the originator of Rational-Emotive Therapy (RET), contends that we ourselves create our own feelings and choose to think and feel in self-harming ways. The way to escape this trap we set for ourselves is by application of the principles of RET. Given the stress and strain of modern day-to-day living, the last things we need are the inhibiting, crippling problems we bring upon ourselves by the way we think and feel about the world and the people around us. The simple, logical method outlined in this book is the soundest approach yet devised to acquire true mental health and happiness. Dr. Albert Ellis is the founder of the Institute for Rational-Emotive Therapy, which now has branches throughout the United States and around the world. He is the author of more than forty-five books, including A New Guide to Rational Living (with Robert A. Harper, Ph.D.), Sex Without Guilt and Sex and the Liberated Man. ...

Title : How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything – Yes, Anything!
Author :
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ISBN : 18900482
Format Type : Kindle Edition
Number of Pages : 240 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything – Yes, Anything! Reviews

  • Charlotte
    2019-02-06 03:45

    Albert Ellis is the reason I became a psychologist. I remember watching one of his tapes and thinking "Really? I can really talk to clients that way?" And it's true, I can really be myself and help people at the same time. Therapy is not some mamby-pamby "Tell me about your mother" sniffling on the couch for decades nonsense. It's hard work confronting the shit in your life, both the shit you do to yourself and the shit others have done to you. Ellis's no-nonsense approach can be pushy and over-bearing, but, when done with a light touch, it can be completely empowering.

  • Alonzo
    2019-02-21 08:52

    This is a good book. A lot of what is in it may seem like common sense, but you have to remember that people who live with mental misery aren't always able to access common sense. I did get a little upset with Ellis at one point, but I think that says more about me that about the author. The last two chapters were especially helpful for me: they have a summary and tools for maintaining the gains you make.

  • Ryan
    2019-02-13 06:33

    My notes and quotes:Ellis describes how to deal with emotional misery through Rational Emotive Therapy. The basic tenent of RET is that while we can't always control the bad things that happen to us, we can control how we react to those bad things. Misery comes from saying that you "must" do something or things "must" be a certain way. Whenever we are rigid about what we want and need then we set ourselves up to be miserable when we do not get what we want. We therefore should learn to identify our irrational beliefs and seek to replace them with rational ones. RET is based on the scientific method of questioning cause and effect and does not require deep probing into one's past (although doing so can sometimes help you discover your irrational beliefs). We naturally feel both appropriate and inapropriate feelings when we our goals are blocked: appropriate = disappointment, regret, frustration; inappropriate = anger, panic, depression, rage. The "ABCs" of RET concern what happens when one of your goals is blocked: A=Activating event blocks your goal, C=consequences of your goal being blocked, and B=Beliefs of how you feel about your goal being blocked. Ellis points out that A does not cause you to feel bad about C, instead, your beliefs are what cause you to be miserable, not the actual consequences. Ellis gives many insights designed to help you dispute your irrational beliefs, most of which entail you figuring out what the “shoulds” and musts are in your life that cause you to be unhappy. It's important to learn that you can have desires and preferences, but as soon as you feel that you must have something or you'll just die, then neuroses begin to take over because you can't stand the idea of not having the thing you want. In other words, when you must have something, you become miserable because you can't imagine life without the thing you want and you sabotage yourself so you won't be able to get it. Disputing irrational beliefs can be described in six steps: What irrational belief do I want to dispute and surrender? Can I rationally prove this belief? What evidence can I find to disprove this belief? Does any evidence exist for the truth of this belief? What are the worst things that could actually happen to me if I give up this belief and act against it? What good things could happen or could I make happen if I give up this belief? He also goes into using behavioral reinforcement in order to help change your irrational beliefs. There is also much danger in backsliding once you change an irrational belief (because you've held your IB your whole life). One of the most important things about RET is that it needs to be done strongly and forcefully. If you want major results you have to dispute your IBs with all of your energy; half-hearted efforts will only get half-hearted results.

  • Jeffrey Guterman
    2019-02-20 00:36

    This is one of Albert Ellis's best self-help book on rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). In "How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything--Yes, Anything," Ellis makes the simple, yet profound point that "you can figure out by sheer logic that if you were only . . . to stay with your desires and preferences, and if you were stray into unrealistic demands that your desires have to be fulfilled, you could very rarely disturb...yourself about anything" (p. 21). At the end of the book, Ellis identifies various unfortunate potential life circumstances and then shows readers how to use his REBT refuse to feel disturbed. I strongly recommend this book for the general public. Mental health professionals will also find this book to be a helpful resource to learn the theory and practice of REBT.

  • Joakim
    2019-02-12 00:51

    An urgent call to stop Musturbating too much. Drop the shoulds, musts, in our irrational thoughts/ beliefs, and we'll conquer the everyday miseries. It was amazing seeing how those small words can make us feel so miserable. A must for anyone suffering from shyness, panic, depression, anxiety, sadness and other non-organic/biological mental ailments.

  • Corey
    2019-02-20 07:59

    Despite his oddball writing style, Albert Ellis had many amazing insights into psychotherapy and was one of the pioneers of cognitive therapy. This is one of his better books. It's better written and more up-to-date than his classic work, "A New Guide to Rational Living." More importantly, it contains plenty of hands-on exercises for self-improvement. Two core insights in the book are that misery comes from how we think about events not the events themselves, and that relief comes not from understanding but from active practice in retraining your thinking.

  • Matthew
    2019-02-07 06:39

    Also great REBT primer, I assign chapters for clients to read as homework.

  • Bobparr
    2019-01-28 06:49

    Trattato da lettura costante, le frasi di Ellis servono sempre. Utilissimo e potente, da lasciare in giro per casa e ogni tanto rileggersi un capitolo.

  • Nicola
    2019-01-26 02:54

    I like stubbornly refusing to do things so this book appealed to me. Undoubtedly one of the better books of its kind (in my opinion) and I will be attempting to incorporate some of the strategies it contains into my everyday life. This book is blissfully devoid of psychobabble and centres around the notion that it is our irrational thinking that causes us to become psychologically unsettled. The book contains exercises to follow to help analyse and (hopefully) eradicate your own irrational beliefs. In a typically irrational move, I haven't yet tried them...

  • Huma Rashid
    2019-01-31 04:31

    Repetitive. Basically, the crux is: argue yourself out of your negative thinking cycles and attack those negative beliefs with rational logic, create a plan to get you through things you struggle with, and do a bunch of things you don't want to do because it breaks you of your fear and distaste and proves to you that if you fail you will still be fine. There. That's the whole book.

  • Michelle
    2019-01-26 07:39

    Okay so it seems like a stupid self-help book, and believe me the writing style cannot seem any less condescending if it tried. But if you can look past all the italicized words and being talked to like you're mentally challenged, you will see that the theory of RET (Rational Emotive Therapy) is actually brilliant and incredibly useful.

  • Kiel
    2019-02-22 05:50

    A recommendation from a psychologist, this book is a guide to rational emotive behavior therapy. The most helpful part of this book is an extensive process by which to capture one’s thoughts and then assess how rational they are, and then break oneself of the habit of being emotionally neurotic to become more rational and practical. The process, even if redundant in my opinion, is quite helpful to think through. However, the worldview represented in the book is problematic in two primary ways. The main problem is that it is morally relativistic, and there is no acknowledgment of or belief in the idea of sin. Considering oneself sinful in general, or to have sinned in some specific area, is deemed irrational. Another issue is that I do not believe REBT passes the cultural test. That is to say, it seems specific only to economically middle class and above, and cultural western people. While these limitations keep me from recommending this book, I do believe it’s possible to eat the meat and spit out the bones, and there is some meat here. I listened to this one, 7.5 hours. Otherwise it’s 240 pages of godless yet sometimes helpful attacks against neurosis.

  • Barb
    2019-02-15 00:58

    Nice addition to A New Guide to Rational Living. This book provides many more examples of how a person working on their own (without a therapist) can use Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) to change.

  • Angela
    2019-01-29 07:56

    Due to the language / word choices of the writer, it's very hard to read. Not hard as in difficult, but hard to accept his methodology.

  • Elaine
    2019-01-26 03:56

    Good message, but it did not need to be a whole book. Pretty early on, I felt a bit beaten over the head with one or two ideas.

  • Michaela Hill
    2019-02-19 01:54

    Hate it, so far. The author is ponpuos and arrogant. A mentor recommended it.

  • Omar Nur
    2019-02-18 04:57

    While it's a good read and the ideas helpful in getting rid of toxic beliefs, I found him full of himself. I can't count the number of times he mentioned his founding of REBT. How wonderful and great it's been in helping overcome their anxiety, depression and sorrow. Despite this, the book was helpful and beneficial. Many of our problems are created by our irrational beliefs (IB). IB's are usually framed as a must. In other works has been called the tyranny of the shoulds. Things 'MUST not' or things 'MUST be' a certain way. Others MUST treat me a certain a way. Conditions under which I live MUST be comfortable. Changing your MUSTS to preferences will help change your IBs. When an activating event occurs (A) - people whether they realize it or not have beliefs (B) about this. As a consequence (C) they are overcome by anger/rage, anxiety, and depression. This book goes into different facets of life including relationships, work, procrastination, and goals. This part of the book brings the ABC's to life. Consistently addressing and challenging your irrational and maybe toxic beliefs (IB's) will help you live a happy, and joyful life.

  • Dogboyke
    2019-02-10 06:42

    Okay, this book is so repetitive it made me want to scream or quit. It was an unpleasant experience to read and I hate the phrase "musterbatory thinking". But here's the thing, I can't stop thinking about it. I find that I have incorporate many of the concepts into my thinking, and they help. But really, Mr. Ellis, it is not essential to tell me anything more than once. I promise I will get it and remember on just the one telling. Really. I promise.

  • Jane
    2019-02-18 05:37

    I'm going to go ahead and stubbornly refuse to keep reading this book. I gave it a shot even though self-help is almost always terribly written and I'm sure the man has some good ideas but good lord the TONE. No. Hard pass. Guess I'll just stay miserable if it means more entertaining reading. Because priorities.

  • Anita
    2019-02-10 02:53

    In het zicht van het einde het lezen van dit boek gestaakt. Hoewel er her en der wat zinnige opmerkingen gemaakt worden is dit niet mijn boek.

  • Keerthi Vikas
    2019-02-18 04:33

    My review :- https://keerthivikasmylearinings.word...

  • Rae Ann
    2019-02-01 08:35

    The writing in this book is impossible to follow. I really want to learn how to not be miserable and be more positive but this is NOT the book to teach me.

  • Eirion
    2019-02-09 00:34

    Mi piace molto la RET di Ellis, ma il tono colloquiale da manuale di autoaiuto lo trovo fastidiosissimo.

  • Adriana Bozbiciu
    2019-02-21 05:36

    “To challenge your misery, try science. Give it a real chance. Work at thinking rationally, sticking to reality, checking your hypothesis about yourself, about other people, and about the world.”

  • Mandy
    2019-02-01 07:45

    I picked up this book because of the title, but I sat down to read it because of the author. Albert Ellis knows his stuff. The information contained in this book is specific and repetitive and includes exercises for daily practice. I doubt I will become a complete RET (rational emotive therapy) devotee, but I see strategies that I already use embedded in these steps and I believe this could be a very effective way of managing your own emotions. I'm all for anything that helps reduce anxiety and depression, puts the locus of control on yourself, and still allows you a full range of feelings. I was not so keen on how many jokes he made about avoiding the "nuthouse" or the "loony bin" or generally putting down disabilities or entire groups of people to help the reader feel better about their own life (but what of the readers potentially belonging to those groups?!) but I think it was a sad attempt by an older white male to be funny and relatable to the large self-help audience. A worthwhile read if you're naturally science and logic inclined.

  • Lisa
    2019-02-13 05:37

    The content was great but could have been a blog post instead of a book.

  • Tom
    2019-01-31 06:58

    Closer to 4.5. Ellis introduces a simple yet effective tool in affecting a more positive outlook in life. REBT isn't always practical, but it has helped me quite a bit during my latest depressive episode. It is also both funny and nonjudgemental.

  • Ewe Lin Loo
    2019-02-15 02:56

    The main idea behind this book is to accept that some things are simply beyond your control. When things go awry, question your beliefs about the circumstances. Realise that debilitating negative reactions stem from irrational beliefs about how things must go a particular way. Things are never black and white!

  • Yuliya Yurchuk
    2019-02-11 06:01

    Читала для того, щоб зрозуміти, хто ж це придумав когнітивно-поведінкову терапію, якою зараз лікують чи не усіх. Книжка дуже добре показує, як це працює. Я навіть деякі вправи і поради взяла на озброєння. Про ефективність можна буде сказати, коли виживу:))

  • Roza Howton
    2019-02-09 03:59

    Too simplistic, and contradictory in places. Would be good for a Neurotypical layperson to read just to get a "fix" for daily neuroses, but if you're trying to resolve something that is more to do with organic causes, this book is a hit and miss. A lot of misses. The "stick and carrot" approach is not for me. The cognitive retraining in challenging "musts and shoulds" is useful, but seriously? Stick and carrot? That and his tendency to use the term *autistically* in a very derogatory manner. From a therapist, it shows his ignorance in differently moded minds. I did give it 2 stars rating because: 1) I did learn something from the book (i.e. "challenging the internal self criticism" and "cutting myself some slack" when I don't manage to control it)2) He listed his references in detail, and I can dig into his theories in more details. Most "Self Help" books rarely do even this.Unfortunately Dr Ellis have a very biased view against other form of therapies, which is ironic, considering how many times he insisted in his book that "sometimes when one method doesn't work, do another". Some people lack the cognitive awareness of their own thought processes (i.e. Autism, ADHD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder) and could benefit highly from specific Psychoanalytic techniques, and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. 3) Which brings me to the third problem - formation of personality is more than just a "sum of it's parts". Different modes of thinking requires different approach, you can challenge destructive thought behaviour, but only after you are made aware of why you think the way you do. For example, Autistic people have a very black and white mode of thinking. The very idea of grey areas freak us out. To just dismiss us as just "thinking autistically" is akin to sweeping the problem under the rug, and not really solving it. The advice to "punish yourself" for bad mental behaviour can backfire horribly to a severely depressed person due to organic causes (i.e. amygdala and autonomic dysfunction due to autoimmune conditions, unbalanced blood chemistry in the case of bipolar disorder, hormonal dysnfunction, poor excess stimuli filtering like ADHD, etc etc). So, yeah. Read this book with a big heaping bucket of salt, take what you find useful can, laugh at the ones that you find ridiculous. Life is like that.