Read We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth by David A. McIntee Miguel Coimbra Online


Enjoy this pseudo-nonfiction, 'how-to' military handbook for aliens intending to conquer the Earth. Science fiction elements are satirized and then connected to real-world science, history, and military technique to show how it should be done.It goes without saying that any military campaign must be planned in ways depending upon some basic factors: The logistics of whereEnjoy this pseudo-nonfiction, 'how-to' military handbook for aliens intending to conquer the Earth. Science fiction elements are satirized and then connected to real-world science, history, and military technique to show how it should be done.It goes without saying that any military campaign must be planned in ways depending upon some basic factors: The logistics of where your enemy is in relation to your own forces, environmental factors, and, most importantly, 'why' you're fighting this campaign. This book intends to take these basic factors, and apply them to the purpose of conquering the planet known to the natives as Earth.There are, of course, many possible reasons for launching a military campaign against such a planet. The form of your campaign, and the formation of its strategic and tactical policies will very much depend on your reason. Obviously the campaign to destroy all sentient life on a planetary surface will be very different in character to a campaign to, say, bring the local population into the fold of your empire or federation - and, frankly, a lot simpler. Once the reason for conquest, or destruction, has been determined, the book will take a step-by-step approach to the best way to annihilate humanities resistance and bring them to their knees....

Title : We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9781782006022
Format Type : Paperback
Number of Pages : 235 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth Reviews

  • Bettie☯
    2018-11-29 19:36

    (view spoiler)[Bettie's Books (hide spoiler)]

  • AH
    2018-12-08 17:32

    So my review copy arrived today and it was promptly pilfered by kid3 who hasn't stopped reading and laughing out loud, so it must be a good book. Maybe he'll write the review when he's done. Now I really want to read it, too.Update 1/21/14 - Initial Thoughts: Finally got the book back from Kid3 who claims that it was an awesome book - very funny. The book is a little fact heavy, however the popular culture references (and where the aliens of pop culture went wrong in their invasion plans) were entertaining. The Review (finally):I must admit that I requested this book because of the title. Come on, aren't you the least bit curious? Just how would an alien army come in and attack Earth? I mean, we've seen it in movies - and somehow the people of Earth prevail. Just what are the aliens doing wrong? Would they be more successful with a little green handbook? A word about the appeal of this book - kid3 is 14 years old and a bit of a reluctant reader. He's a little bit geeky and loves strange facts and figures. This book was right up his alley. I can see exactly why he enjoyed it. The first chapter is a repository of facts and figures about the Earth - its position in space, rotational speed, orbit, mass, etc. Great trivia stuff for geeks, a little info dumpy for me. The book is divided into instructional chapters that go over the ways in which an alien invader might conquer the Earth, use the local inhabitants (or possibly exterminate them), what kind of Earth defenses an alien invader could expect, etc.The book is full of cultural references to Earth's most famous science fiction movies, books, and TV series such as Star Wars and Dr. Who. He even highlights the fictional aliens' mistakes so that future invaders do not try the same thing. There's also some cute illustrations throughout the book so it should keep the attention span of most teenage boys. The Alien's Guide to Conquering the Earth is a fun little green book full of neat and interesting facts. Check out my status updates below for some of the more entertaining quotes. Thanks to Angry Robot Books for a review copy of this book.Review posted on Badass Book Reviews new feature Science Fiction Saturday. Check it out!

  • Bibliotropic
    2018-12-19 17:46

    (Full review here: this book’s identity crisis and information it probably ought to have included but didn’t, it was still a decent read, and a good overview of some interesting scientific facts and trivia. I wouldn’t say it’s an essential book for everyone’s collection, but it’s still worth taking a look at, if nothing else for the section on invasion stories in media.

  • Declan Waters
    2018-12-14 12:40

    I love the Osprey Adventure series for folk tales and old gods, and so I thought I'd pick this up. Unfortunately, it's not in the same style with limited pictures, not written from an 'Alien' point of view, constantly mentions asteroid / meteor bombardment, and defines gravity in 'Feet per second squared'... Really!A disappointing book and not up to Osprey's usual standards.

  • Andrew Tuttle
    2018-11-22 13:35

    My Third Favorite how-to BookA fun read, full of references to the wide body of alien invasion stories. The chapters are full of practical advice on conquering, occupying and defending your new prize, planet Earth.

  • R.J. Blain
    2018-11-26 18:25

    So, you've been hiding out on Earth, waiting for your chance to conquer and take over, haven't you? Or maybe you've been lurking in space, hiding behind the moon, waiting for your chance to strike? If you were smart, you would have acquired a copy of We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien's Guide to Conquering the Earth by David McIntee. But, you weren't smart, were you? So here you are, stuck without a whole lot of options, without a good plan, and at high risk of losing instead of the victory you traveled so far to acquire.Well, you can rectify this. Go and get a copy. It will teach you all about your mistakes and how to avoid them (and others like them) in the future, as well as ensure that you turn your disadvantage to victory.Warning: You might learn something.On a serious note, this is a really fun book. You need to go in expecting to learn stuff, because there is an equal amount of fact and fiction. This seamless blend really let me get involved with this book, so much so it took me a notable time longer to read than I normally spend on a book. Some of the content, for the less scientific of us (read: me), can be heavy. It's definitely written to make you think about the various tactics one could use to take over Earth.I don't want to spoil any parts of this book, because I think this is such a good read for the geeks and nerds among us, that spoiling the tactics discussed would soil the brilliance of this novel. I've read (and reviewed) guides on conquering before, but this one is by far the best. The art is perfectly campy, fitting the subject well. The content is streamlined, flitting for subject to subject in a logical, smooth fashion. It reads like any good reference book; engaging yet informational. It can be dry in places, but there is an underlying tone of humor that makes the actual lessons about space and the Earth go down really smoothly. There is just enough of the absurd to ensure that any astute reader will be able to distinguish fact from fiction.All in all, I loved the book, and would recommend it to any alien seeking to take over the planet. Alternatively, I would recommend this to any human wishing to mount a successful rebellion against the invading aliens, as it is vital that the last dredges of humanity are aware of the challenges they face.I especially think that you should take care to read the section on caring for your pet humans. It might come in useful for those alien species who are interested in expanding their empire rather than completely destroying life on Earth prior to taking over the planet for resources.It's hard for me to find flaws in a book like this, which bends the normal rules of conquering, delivers it with humor coupled with facts, and turns it into something engaging and entertaining. The writing style is smooth and easy to read without being dumbed down. It crosses barriers, I think, allowing those who have a strong understanding of sciences to get as much out of it as those of us who aren't as good at sciences. While there are some numbers thrown around, you don't need to be highly skilled in math to get the idea of what McIntee is talking about as he discusses how your race might best handle conquering Earth.In short, this is a great, fun read, and I really recommend it to anyone who enjoys science fiction (movies or books!) and wants to think a little about how smart aliens would go about conquering Earth -- and I promise you, it isn't as far-fetched as you might think.Book acquired as a Paperback ARC from publisher.

  • Brid-Aine
    2018-12-08 14:34

    I remember this book I had when I was a kid (or at least I mostly remember it, because I can't remember the name of it!) that told you all about how to be a spy. I loved it, because it was full of "secrets" like dead-letterboxes and how to write in code and how to suss out if anyone had messed around in your stuff. Of course, it was also secretly teaching me bits and pieces about math, science, languages and keeping my room tidy without me realising it! We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien's Guide To Conquering The Earth reminds me a lot of this book.The book is told, obviously, from the aliens' point of view and details exactly the environmental and militaristic challenges they'll be facing in their planned takeover of our planet. In the process, it points out that many of the previous (fictional) invaders have had rather harebrained schemes when it comes to destroying the planet and reminds our new prospective overlords that their troubles won't be over when the last bomb (or manually-aided meteor strike) has fallen - they'll still have their work cut out for them maintaining the place.While it's clearly a letter of love to any and all sci-fi incarnations of alien invasions, it throws in a little potted military history and more than a dash of physics and astronomy for a book that older kids and young teenagers will probably love. It's fun to play match-that-alien-invasion from casual mentions dropped liberally into the text and learn a little along the way, but although I enjoyed the book, it was a little on the long side for a comedic look at an extraterrestrial attempt on the Earth and was also a bit repetitive in places, making it feel more like a book for a younger audience (or at least one that has less experience of science and science fiction).

  • Barry Huddleston
    2018-11-27 12:42

    *** Review copy provided by Osprey Publishing *** Review posted on GnostalgiaI love classic scifi, vintage horror, and dark humor. What could be more entertaining to someone like me than a book discussing methods and tactics for aliens conquering the world? We Will Destroy Your Planet is written as a how-to book for conquering the world.Of course, the book is written for aliens who read English and who have a solid understanding of Earth’s scifi TV and movies *wink*. We Will Destroy Your Planet is not the type of book to over-think, at it’s heart it is a trivia book. I really enjoyed the excellent scifi trivia. As much as I love scifi, I have to admit that I was very impressed with the science fact. One the downside, the lines between the science fact and science fiction occasionally blurred (don’t they always).The illustrations by Miguel Corimba were very good and I enjoyed them. Although a fun read for me, I think that this book may only appeal to the scifi fan with a dark sense of humor. I give We Will Destroy Your Planet 4 Star-ships out of 5.

  • Jeff Soyer
    2018-11-27 12:39

    Well, with a title like that, how could I not resist reviewing an advanced copy. The subtitle is, “An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth.” It could also have been called Invading Earth for Dummies. We Will Destroy Your Planet, by David McIntee is set to be released November 19th but you can pre-order it now on Amazon. Should you?I thought the book was rather fun. It’s a bit educational (facts about our planet) and also offers numerous techniques to invade, conquer, or just flat-out destroy (not so easy) the Earth. Additional tips for controlling the human population as well as pitfalls to avoid.Besides offering his own ideas, McIntee also covers the attempted conquest of us in numerous other books, TV shows, and movies.Would be sci-fi writers might find the book a useful source for ideas.Fortunately, although this guide is aimed at an alien audience, by reading it ourselves, we humans will know what to be on the lookout for.

  • Jia Yue
    2018-11-27 12:40

    I have an increasing habit of reading chapters out of order and spaced apart by months. Oh well. The premise is interesting, and the subject matter full of delightful tidbits of knowledge that are engaging as well as practical, but the writing seems to me excruciatingly anthropocentric, as if the Earth natives were trying to accommodate what they think "aliens" would think. Much Earth slang and human cultural references are used (probably due to the poor quality of the translation). For example, the title itself: "We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth". The second-person "your" clearly refers to Earth natives. If this were really written by aliens, they would hardly refer to themselves as aliens in the sense Earth natives use them. This reeks of an attempt to put words in the mouths of alien peoples conjured up by a human's imagination.If only this book was written with a defter hand and a more alien-centric approach.

  • Shellie
    2018-12-06 18:17

    This is a fun book, not to be taken too seriously.(Though you may wish to heed the holes in our defences that can be exploited!)It's a happy walk through reality making them a little more enjoyable and offers a speculative study provided for any invading extra-terrestrial force. The book takes the facts of military power(understandably considering the publisher) along side media reports of alien encounters and runs with the whole what if. From the history in the 1800s right through to the now, and even sparing a thought for those sorts that want to adopt a human pet.Great for the geek in you and the B-Movie addict. I can see it appealing to a wide age range, those who might have out grown the Horrible Histories/Science type of narrative, those who like a little fun with their documentaries, and those of us that just never want to grow up! (My thanks to the Osprey team for the advanced copy for a chance to read this book!)

  • Ron
    2018-11-25 20:21

    David McIntee has an interesting concept in this title. He writes from the viewpoint of an all-knowing outsider advising the would-be alien conqueror the ins and outs of taking over the earth. The writing is factual and advice is practical, but quite general in nature. There are no detailed plans, not hypothetical scenarios, provided. Not even a link to the Evil Mastermind list on the Internet. The list of novels/movies/television shows on alien attack/interaction is good, but very brief and misses some interesting recent books. Miguel Coimbra's illustrations provide some color to what some may consider a bland presentation. Overall, a decent read.

  • Martha
    2018-12-09 12:16

    Educational and EntertainingThis claims to be a manual for the conquest of Earth. It provides a lot of information about earth history, resources, geology, geography, etc. all in the context of aliens wishing to invade and conquer. It discusses the various methods of invasion and occupation and the problems that can occur. The latter part of the book is a discussion of several other "research materials" in the form of movies, books and television series.Told in a fairly straightforward manner, the authors provide a lot of interesting information in an interesting manner.

  • Rebecca Lewis
    2018-12-02 19:46

    I guess I was expecting something along the lines of a John Scalzi book with quirky characters and such. This is just a slightly humorous take on a CIA or State Department report, but for the Earth instead of just one country.

  • Tabby Shiflett
    2018-11-28 14:18

    A funny handbook on how to take over the world, from an alien's point of view. The "manual" is put together well. The book includes a fair amount of historical tidbits, scientific facts, and Sci-Fi pop culture info. For Sci-Fi fans with a sense of humor.Net Galley Feedback

  • Cat
    2018-12-12 15:34

    a lot of good strong facts about our defences and earth in general. Got pretty repetitious though. Was okay.

  • Michael Ritchie
    2018-11-20 16:30

    Flip flops between being interesting and witty to rather dry. But a good fun concept nonetheless, full of Easter eggs for sci fi fans to find.

  • Jessica
    2018-12-02 13:33

    Funny in a practical kind of way.

  • Georgia (The Bibliomaniac Book Blog)
    2018-11-27 16:41