Read Mourning Heaven by Amy Lane Online


Heroes fall.Peter first came to the tiny backwater of Daisy, California, as a child, and he was sure of one thing: his cousin Michael would take care of him. When Michael started a friendship with the fragile, haunted Bodi Kovacs, Peter's consolation in losing any claim to Bodi was that Michael would care for him too. But tragedy struck, and Michael ripped himself out of tHeroes fall.Peter first came to the tiny backwater of Daisy, California, as a child, and he was sure of one thing: his cousin Michael would take care of him. When Michael started a friendship with the fragile, haunted Bodi Kovacs, Peter's consolation in losing any claim to Bodi was that Michael would care for him too. But tragedy struck, and Michael ripped himself out of their world and threw away the people who loved him most.Six years later, Michael is coming home in a box. All it took to destroy a hero was a town full of bigotry and hatred. Reclaiming him will take strength of heart that neither Peter nor Bodi had six years ago. Since Michael left, Bodi has been lost and alone. Peter can try to make Bodi his and take the role Michael should have had, but first he and Bodi have to confront the past. They will need to face Michael, the good and the bad, the beauty and the sadness, and see his memory truly for what it was and not what it could have been. It's a simple act that may destroy them both: sifting through the flaming ruins of heaven is a sure way to annihilate a bleeding mortal heart....

Title : Mourning Heaven
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9781613727454
Format Type : Paperback
Number of Pages : 200 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

Mourning Heaven Reviews

  • Julio Genao
    2019-06-01 14:14

    No more tissues. Moving on to mismatched socks.Amy Lane tells stories that make me think about what it means to find your way, what it means to make your own family, your own peace, your own world. This book's no different.I'm beat. All cried out. Too tired to really do a review justice.All I can say is... when I think about the kind of world I want to live in, it always includes Amy Lane.

  • Kaje Harper
    2019-05-31 15:01

    There are a lot of people who face prejudice just because of who they are in this sometimes messed-up country. But Jewish kids have Jewish parents, and African-American kids have African-American parents, who share their struggles and give them support. Gay kids' parents are usually straight. And gay kids grow up not knowing they may come up against limits to their parents' love. When those parents turn out to have deep-seated prejudices, and cannot love their own children past the bigotry, it cuts far deeper than the words of any stranger.Mourning Heaven is about three young gay men who were badly damaged as teens, when the older two were outed to a prejudiced small town in the midst of a tragedy. All of them were hurt by the fallout, but Michael was broken beyond repair, destroyed by words of hate from the mother he thought truly loved him. As this story opens, Michael, who ran from the shambles of his life into the military, has been killed overseas. His cousin Peter and lover Brodi are left to try to understand who the golden boy they both adored had become. They have to finally let go of Michael, and as they do so, decide whether they are strong enough to take a chance on each other.This is classic Code-Red Amy Lane, with strong sweet men damaged and sometimes broken by implacable fate and compassionless people. Redemption is found in loving someone enough to hold the cracks together, so healing can begin. Painful, intense, lovely and finally hopeful.

  • Lauraadriana
    2019-05-19 07:16

    Amy Lane had an author's note about the album Magic by Bruce Springsteen being her inspiration for this book. Since it's one of my favorites albums I braced myself for some heartache. In the end like with most of Bruce's songs AND Amy's books, I was a bit shaken when I finished, but I was also glad that I am lucky enough to be able to hear or read the stories they have to tell.Who'll be the last to die for a mistakeThe last to die for a mistakeWhose blood will spill, whose heart will breakWho'll be the last to die for a mistakeThis story is a sad story. Pretty much every character in this book has been broken. Broken by prejudice, misguided religiosity, ignorance, hate, stupidity, mostly though from cowardice. One tragic thing happened in the town of Daisy six years before, it was no one's fault really, but the people in the town of Daisy turned that tragedy into a mass grave. On the day that Peter learns that his cousin Michael has been killed during his tour of duty...All that poison comes back to haunt him. Peter has been in Daisy since he was 12 years old. His mom loved him, but she couldn't take care of him, so she left him with his Aunt Aileen and her son Michael until she could get back on her feet. He was now 23 and still he was in Daisy. He hated Daisy. The people in Daisy were judgmental and hateful...Especially in the last six years since that night. The night that shattered his world and chased away the two people in his life that he loved the most. Michael and Bodi. Michael his family,his friend, his protector, his anchor. Bodi the beatiful boy that he loved from the moment he ever set eyes on him. From that instant Peter knew he was meant to protect Bodi. Bodi was ethereal and pure...So fragile, the world could break him,Peter knew his calling in life was to protect Bodi from the things that could hurt him...The thing was Michael made Bodi his first, and Peter let him have Bodi. As long as Bodi was happy and whole, Peter was happy too.You said "Heroes are needed, so heroes get made"Somebody made a bet, somebody paidExcept this world is harsh and angry and people couldn't forgive Michael and Bodi for their love, because their love had made them fools. Michael the town Golden Boy was a faggot right under their noses...Well, someone had to pay for that. They did. Bodi left in the middle of the night to a town 100 miles away and never came back, and Michael, he left his whole life, enlisted in the military and came back in a pine box.Peter who was always braver than that town could handle and gutsier than he ever gave himself credit for, once he knew Michael was gone he went to find Bodi. Bodi needed him to take care of him and he would do it. Six years too late, but he had enough in him to make it happen. He found Bodi working in his garage fixing bikes like he always had, he found a man that was broken, brittle, and lost. So lost. He realized that Michael the man that had been the beacon in their lives was only too human, and had been the most broken of them all. So much so that in his weakness he tore apart Bodi too.The shadows in Bodi's eyes spoke of a lot sorrow. Bodi had lost hope, and he didn't think his demons were anything that Peter deserved to be burdened with...Except Peter was not giving up so easily.I'll work for your love dearI'll work for your loveWhat others may want for freeI'll work for your lovePeter was going to make Bodi whole again, he was willing to do whatever it took. He understood Bodi's fragility, he had seen it in his own mother. There are some people who need a keeper, someone to keep them whole. It may seem unfair to have to carry someone like that, but being able to have the person who you love the most is worth having to be stronger than you ever thought you could. Ain't nobody talkin' because everybody knowsWe pulled your cycle up back the garage and polished up the chromePeter and Bodi they go back to Daisy for the week before Michael's funeral. There were things they need to do, there were things they need to say and they did that while they restored Michael's bike. That thing had been his pride and joy and they wanted it to go with him.During those days Peter and Bodi violently or quietly, sometimes with their bodies, with their voices, with EVERYTHING they purged the poison that tragic night had injected into their lives they got it all out, they cleansed themselves from the patina that town had left them with and they were able to walk away, if not whole, better positioned for a bright future. The ending in this book is bright, literally, and it is sedate. This book is the first of Amy Lane's that I ended with a sense of quietness. There was so much pain in this story I felt subdued. It is an awful thing to think that stories like this one happen everyday. That love from a parent, from a lifelong friend can be so fickle. But in the end courage, grace and love won it all, and Bodi and Peter got to live the life that had been stolen from them. House on a quiet street, a home for the braveA glorious kingdom with the sun on your faceRising from a long night as dark as the graveOn a thin chain of next moments and something like faithOn a morning to order a breakfast to makeA bed draped in sunshine, a body that waitsFor the touch of your fingers, the end of the day

  • T.A. Webb
    2019-06-12 07:48

    At age ten, Peter Armbruster was brought to live with his Aunt Aileen and his cousin Michael. His mother, bless her heart, wasn’t able to provide for him and thought he’d do better there. It took him a while to blend in, especially when he was taken to church in the small town of Daisy, California. Sitting there in in the pews, he looked around and saw the stained glass and thought of the words his mother had told him about small towns and the choices he would have to make and how he chose to live his life.Just look at those windows, he thought. This must be their favorite part of the story. The part where somebody bleeds. Nothing that had happened since that day led him to feel any different.He did learn to fit in, to an extent, thanks to his cousin Michael. And later, Michael’s friend Bodi, the boy he would love from afar.But then things kind of exploded and life changed, as it has a way of doing. And six years later, Michael was being shipped home from Afghanistan in a pine box, and Peter was forced to go tell Bodi. And maybe finally claim what he wanted.How will Bodi react? Will Peter finally confess his love? And how will the town that hated them all react to the prodigal sons’ return, one in a coffin, the other with Peter?Amy Lane, usually so gentle, took me by the throat and dragged me into this raw and angry stunner and forced me to watch and live and breathe the heady mix of grief and love and redemption. I was moved beyond words, shaken to the core, and ultimately left gentled by her sure and crafty hand.This book is Amy Lane at her best – broken and betrayed men forced to look their pain squarely in the face, to deal with it somehow, and to confront the loss and acknowledge the new possibilities. There is no room for weakness here, because pain and loss and hurt demand more.“You give thanks to the things that save you,” Bodi acknowledged.Peter dominates this book. His seeming passivity and resignation to his life in Daisy gives way to a slow, deep-seated fiery anger at the lies and hurts heaped on him and those he loves. The awakening we see in him as he unfolds and reaches for his power – just remarkable.And Bodi. Broken, shattered, tossed aside by family, friends and a heartless town, he’s been out of the picture for six long years. Or has he? And his slow climb out of the hell he’s been in – sharp, stunning, powerful.But it’s Michael, the missing leg of the triangle, who I am most intrigued by. Why he made the decisions he did. How he died a little every day for six years, before he ended up being buried and mourned for all of his strengths and flaws and weaknesses by the two men who knew him best and loved him most. And how he was so much more – and less – than anyone ever expected. A hero with feet of clay.Regret is the sound of the ghosts of our own making. I will live with mine until I die.There’s no regret for me in recommending this haunting book. Grief and loss by their very nature demand pain, and it’s a beautiful sadness and joy that transforms those emotions to peace and love. Amy Lane has truly outdone herself here, and I’m just glad she invited me along for the ride. It was magic.Tom

  • Breann
    2019-05-29 11:51

    4.5 hearts"'If that's all it takes?' he said when he pulled back. 'The coming back for you? If that's all it take to keep you? I can do that, Peter. I can always come back for you.'"If there is any author that can make you feel for, empathize and love a character, it's Amy Lane. I couldn't help but become completely immersed in Peter and Bodi, right from the beginning."Bodi grunted and relaxed, and their hands were still clasped between them, but Bodi's shoulders melted into Peter's body, like he belonged in Peter's arms."And he so did.It was said over and over that Bodi was the broken one, but Peter didn't have the perfectly healthy life either. He lived with a relative who didn't understand him, or want to for that matter. He also lived in a town he hated and they pretty much hated him right back. Not the best of living conditions. Now that Michael was gone there was no reason for him to stay and every reason for him to find Bodi.Bodi was kind of lost before Peter went to tell him that his ex-lover had died. For Bodi, Michael had died years before and was still dealing with the loss, all on his own. He was broken, and yes, that was said quite a few times in the story, but it didn't bother me much since that's exactly what he was. Broken. And Peter was going to fix him. Bodi could fight all he damn well pleased, Peter wasn't budging. I just love reading about that kind of dedication.Since Bodi, Michael and Peter grew up together they had a story to tell, besides the one that led to their HEA. Their past flashbacks were perfectly woven into the present and told both stories simultaneously and flawlessly. It didn't matter which time the story was in, I was equally involved in both. "When Peter walked through that door, he was done with mourning heaven, and living it instead."They just belonged together. The circumstances that brought them together were devastating, but their story together was beautiful.

  • Buggy
    2019-06-11 11:14

    Opening Line: “Daisy, California Population 2,726.”As much as I love Amy Lane I have to admit this one was a struggle for me to get through. Don’t get me wrong the writing is still fantastic and there are passages that literally take your breath away but the story is so painful, so angry, so freaking desperate and depressing that it almost became more then I could take. I wasn’t even convinced of the love story taking place here, it just seemed a little frantic, a little violent, a little for the moment.You’d think with a title like “Mourning Heaven” I would have been prepared though, especially after already having my heart shredded (in a good way) by several of Lane’s other books. I was expecting angst and pain here but I was also expecting awesomeness or at least something redeeming or hopeful to cling to throughout this sad story. But with every page angst-riddled and every character broken, tormented and grief stricken this was ultimately just exhausting.“Oh shit he was disintegrating, dissolving, coming apart again and Peter needed to be there for once, someone needed to be there to catch Bodi as he fell. Peter was up and wrapping his arms around Bodi before one more painful word happened and Bodi was crying like he hadn’t cried when (spoiler) and Peter was crying with him because this was Michael Bodi was crying about and Michael had hurt and Michael had broken and he hadn’t let them fix him and now he would never be fixed and they’d always be a little bit broken in their souls where he’d left a Michael shaped hole.”Peter moved to the small prejudiced town of Daisy at the age of 12. He’d moved around a lot in his short life and while his mother loved him she was just never able to provide for him eventually depositing him with his Aunt Aileen and her son Michael. It wasn’t all bad though because there was Michael. For Peter his cousin is the sun and the moon, he is everything good and strong and protective and right in the world. Just to hear him breathing through the thin bedroom walls at night makes him feel like everything is going to be okay. And then there’s Michael’s friend Bodi, the boy that Peter loves from the moment he sets eyes on him. Of course it’s not easy being gay in a town like Daisy the church is …well very vocal in its views on that sort of evil behavior and everyone in this backwards town goes to church so it’s not a place you want to be out.“He’d told his mother that he thought boys were more beautiful than girls, and she’d told him that he would have to be either brave or quiet about that, especially in Daisy.”The meat of this story however takes place years later; Peter is now 23 and the only one still living in Daisy. Michael his hero, his everything who he hasn’t seen in 6 years is finally coming home and Peter now has the task of finding Bodi and bringing him back too because Michael is coming home in a casket. Slowly we the readers learn what happened 6 years ago that splintered the trio, sending Bodi off in the middle of the night into parts unknown and Michael to the nearest recruiting office where he enlisted in the service.Together Bodi and Peter have to get through their grief and pay homage to Michael, restoring his motorcycle and giving him a proper send-off while trying to get through the hate, ignorance and prejudice that this town tends to feed on. Bodi is so broken that it will be a miracle if he survives even with Peter’s love and Peter; well he has to learn that even heroes aren’t perfect. 327jb35You can also catch this review over on PANTS OFF REVIEWS :)

  • Tami (synchro from BL)
    2019-06-12 13:00

    The writing was good, but I didn't like the "love story". Both MCs didn't really speak to me. It was one of those overly angsty stories, that didn't make much sense too me. Everyone was terribly broken. And all problems were tragedies. What will become a new pet peeve: The "I will fix you" plot. I didn't count how often it was said, but it was said A LOT. Followed by "I will take care of you" in various different wordings. Don't get me wrong, a bit of that is ok, and makes for a good story twist, showing of vulnerability etc. - BUT please, not as the one theme over all.This is not love for me. Love means wanting, not needing. There is even a name for this kind of thing (helper syndrome) - it is not romantic and not sexy to me. At all.But as I said, the writing was very decent.

  • Bev
    2019-05-23 08:57

    Not as keen on this book as 'Sidecar' or 'The Locker Room' I have to say because it is so intense and angst-ridden, some might say depressing, but I don't think it is, it's just quite different to the other Amy Lane books I've read. You have to look at this story from all the protagonists points of view. As far as reviews go, Tom W. on has completely nailed it, and I have nothing to add to that. Well done sir!

  • Mary
    2019-06-12 11:12

    It's all on Peter to forgive his cousin, let go of his hatred and finally leave the toxic town for good. But most of all, more than anything, he has to save the love of his life from himself. I love this book, it kills and heals and I cried so hard and then smiled so big. Don't miss it.

  • Amarilli Settantatre
    2019-06-04 15:04

    da www.sognipensieri.comOdiosa Amy, sempre lei. Per quanto lo abbia letto da qualche tempo, ci ho messo parecchio a recensire questo libro. Il problema è che ogni volta che termino una storia di Amy Lane devo riprendermi psicologicamente. Per carità, ho sempre la ferma convinzione che alla fine della lettura troverò ad aspettarmi un epilogo sereno e rassicurante, ma prima di arrivarci… ragazzi, è una salita, anzi la scalata di una montagnona di dolore e lacrime, con picchi della disperazione più cupa.Questa è una storia di giovani superbi e bellissimi, innocenti e intrepidi, a cui la giovinezza e l’innocenza vengono rubate con il tradimento e l’odio. Questa è una storia di vite perdute, affogate tra illusioni e ipocrisie, con l’immancabile casa del Signore in lontananza che non offre né perdono né comprensione né speranza.Mi sono commossa, ma anche un pochino arrabbiata, perché in certi momenti mi è parso che l’autrice sia persino giunta a qualche eccesso nella sua foga di punire i protagonisti proprio per essere così giovani e innocenti. Sul personaggio di Michael, ad esempio, ho notato qualche sbavatura: va bene il peso della tragedia, va bene la fragilità di fronte all’ostilità familiare, ma non ho trovato giustificata la sua apatia improvvisa, la sua discesa agli inferi con un biglietto di sola andata, lasciando così tante responsabilità addosso agli altri. Insomma, proprio perché era giovane, e aveva l’amore dalla sua parte, non lo avrei lasciato andare senza farlo prima lottare.Ma sono sfumature e gusti personali. In fondo, dopo le lacrime, c’è comunque il cielo sereno. Basta rimpianti, basta rimorsi. Il paradiso non serve per essere felici. Il presente è forse meno divino, però più concreto e a portata di mano.

  • Plainbrownwrapper
    2019-06-13 07:01

    I am a huge fan of Amy Lane, and her moving prose is just as eloquent here as in any of her other books. Unfortunately, this one just felt too over-the-top angry and preachy to me. The Evil Church and its Evil Churchmembers end up coming across as caricature rather than as any kind of realistic elements in anyone's lives. I'm giving this 3.5 stars, rounding up to 4 because it is after all Amy Lane.Too tired to write a good review right now, maybe later!edited to add -- Okay, I'm rounding this back down to 3 stars. I just finished Dex in Blue, and that served to remind me just how good Amy Lane can be when she's really firing on all cylinders. IMHO, Mourning Heaven works too hard and is just waaaaay out of balance compared to Dex in Blue, so I just can't feel good give them the same rating.

  • Andrea
    2019-05-21 15:16

    This is going to be a strange review for me. I can’t give a nice simple explanation of the plot and characters and then let you know how I felt about them. There is nothing simple about this book and the blurb already gives you the bare bones of what the book is about. The best I can do is describe how the story impacted me and let other readers know what to expect if they decide to read it. I thought the best place to start was with the inspiration behind the book. I tried to sum it up a hundred different ways before I finally realized I would never say it as well as the author herself did.“This novel started when I was listening to Bruce Springsteen songs, in particular “Gypsy Biker,” “Devil’s Arcade,” “Magic,” “I’ll Work For Your Love,” which are all on the Magic CD. I wanted to write a book that made me feel like those songs for the entire length of the book. Of course, after writing Mourning Heaven, I now know why Bruce writes about his people in two- to three-minute songs, because that much pain might just kill you dead if you live it for too long, but mostly, I hope I succeeded in capturing for you what he has given me.”I immediately understood what she was talking about, there is something about listening to Bruce Springsteen’s music and the emotions that take over. For me, it’s a mixture of nostalgia, heartbreak, frustration, elation and a deep yearning for something more. If you get that and enjoy it, read this book!The author was also right to be concerned about a full length book having this much pain, it was almost too much to take. I’m not an emotional person and even I had to put the book down for a minute because the anguish was too much and I need a minute to pull myself together. This is not normal for me, the only other book I can remember having such a strong emotional impact was Caregiver by Rick R. Reed.The book begins with Peter learning of his cousin Michael’s death in Afghanistan. The reader knows the pain and uncertainty Peter is feeling as he goes to deliver the news to Bodi, but doesn’t know why. At first I was frustrated because I couldn’t see the whole picture. I absolutely hate being left in the dark and not knowing what is going on when I’m reading. As the history of the characters was revealed, I saw why the author did it this way. You honestly couldn’t take it all in at once, it had to be revealed slowly.Throughout the entire book, the present is interspersed with the past. It’s a roller coaster of emotions which is sometimes heart wrenching and at other times uplifting. The characters are deep and complex with an even more convoluted history. Mourning Heaven is not a fluffy romance, it’s an experience. An experience I wholeheartedly enjoyed, but I can only handle a book like this a few times each year. It’s painful, it’s powerful and it’s beautiful… I loved it!

  • Sandra
    2019-06-03 12:06

    You know how sometimes you just need a good cry? And as fucked up as it sounds, you want that feeling of being gutted, of having your heart ripped out. Well next time you're in one of those moods, read this book. It's beautiful torture. Exquisite pain. You get the idea.It starts out with Peter finding out that his beloved cousin has been killed in Afghanistan. Then flashes back to them growing up together. My first thought? Uhg, not one of these back and forth books! But the frequency of flash backs decreased over the course of the book, and it really was the most appropriate way to tell the story. We started to learn of Peter's devotion and love for Michael, and then for Bodi. We witnessed Bodi and Michael's beautiful young love. All the while knowing the tragic outcome, but not quite knowing what had precipitated the change.Until the very end that loss of potential, of a young life not only snuffed out too soon but ruined and tainted beforehand, was devastating. But we have to learn to live with that the same as Peter and Bodi, the same as Aileen. In the end I had a smile on my face. For new love, and new relationships. For repairing old relationships and at least the potential for future connections. I appreciated that they showed Aileen's regret and sorrow. Yes, she fucked up. Yes, she treated people she loved poorly. But she at least seemed to be trying to mend things and to finally realize and accept that what she did was wrong.I know that the town's vilification was an important part of the story, but I will say that one bit was over the top. Yes, people can be homophobic assholes, but it was a little much. Not my favorite Amy Lane book, but well-written and emotional as is expected.

  • Blue Bayou .
    2019-06-06 13:11

    I have always wondered if everyone who died was just perfect. It reminds me of The Wheel of Fortune, work with me here... So on the The Wheel of Fortune (as well as other games shows and whatnot) the contestants always state in their introduction "And I'm married or have the most wonderful husband/wife - insert name". So I came to the realizations years ago that the only people allowed on game shows are those with the most amazing spouses or incredibly wonderful children. And because of this light bulb moment I resigned myself that I will never be on a game show. (Hey, my husband is great but he's got issues and my kids are awesome but man they work my last nerve sometimes.)So where am I going here... Some books (a lot really) describe the deceased lover as the game show spouse as 'wonderful'. I was taught not to speak ill of the dead however I can tell you I have known so not so nice formerly alive now dead peoples. This book tells the tale of dealing with a person who wasn't perfect and left the people here with problems/issues that needed resolved. Did they speak 'ill' of the dead? No, they spoke truthfully, from their perspective of course, which has to be one of the most beautiful parts of Amy Lane's writing. Another book that comes to mind that doesn't treat the deceased like The Game Show husband, After Ben by Con Riley.

  • Fiona Goodman
    2019-06-11 13:08

    I really wanted to like this. It just made me so mad. I couldn't feel sympathy for any of the characters but Bodi. Unfortunately I am not really in the mood to write a review (still angry!) right now. Hopefully it will pass.

  • Lee Brazil
    2019-06-15 07:52

    I"m glad I read Dex and Chase before this- because to be honest, the emotional impact was something I was prepared for at least. It didn't hurt as much, feel as personal, but it was still a damn good read.

  • Rellik
    2019-05-18 09:47

    I liked the overall plot. Unfortunately, I was unable to feel much for the two protagonists, and thus often became distracted by other things when I read this.

  • UltraMeital
    2019-05-19 13:05

    Heartbreaking story. I was at the edge of tears most of it. I couldn't and didn't want to put this book down, I wanted Peter and Bodi to be happy, I wanted a resolve for both of them, a sort of redemption and it took long enough till we got there. Their story (including Michael's) was SO tragic. Daisy (the town Peter grew up in) might sound like a pretty flower, but as his mother told him - looks can be deceiving. Daisy is the sort of place people preach about the kindness of the church but have no real kindness in themselves. This is the town that took 3 young kids and broke them. When Peter was 10 years old, his mother dropped him on her sister's house and left. She wanted so much more for herself and Peter but she just couldn't support them both and so she did what she thought best even though it broke both of their hearts. Peter and his aunt never truly got along, but he got everything he could have wished for in Michael who became like an older brother. Michael was everything to Peter, a role model, the most amazing guy there is and can be. Michael took care of Peter, he was there for him always, at home as well as in school when kids started making fun of him and bullying him for being gay (they assumed, he neither corrected them nor rejected their assumption). Two years later Bodi became Michael's best friend and also a secret love interest for Peter. Michael had big plans for all of them. For Bodi and himself to open a motorcycle garage and for Peter, the smartest, going to college and becoming so much more than the small town of Daisy could ever offer him, yet everything fell apart one horrible day in which everyone's life shattered. It was also the day the people of Daisy found out what Peter knew for a few years - Bodi and Michael were lovers. The three of them lost more than their innocence that day. In order to protect Bodi from the town's wrath he took him to the next town with all of his stuff and enlisted to the army leaving Peter (and Bodi) behind just a few days later. This shattered all of them. Peter for being left behind, almost 16 years old living with an aunt who wants nothing to do with him, Bodi was all but thrown from Daisy, being left all alone, without his lover and Peter whom he considered a close friend. Michael might have made the hard decisions but he was broken as well by everything that happened and so the book starts 6 years later when he is returned to Daisy in a coffin.The story goes back and forth from the past to the present. The whole story being told from Peter's POV. It was heartbreaking seeing how much the town broke them and how they fell apart instead of trying to stick together. All the hopes, all the dreams were taken away. Michael couldn't be and wasn't the hero Peter wanted and expected him to be. Bodi the golden boy, with the confidence and bright smile became a shadow of the man he used to be and Peter just stayed in Daisy doing his best to collect enough money to actually make the step of going to college, but mostly waiting for Michael to return home. There's a week before the funeral and so Peter drives to the next town, where he dreamt of studying in college and stops at Bodi's house. Peter is shaken to see the state Bodi is in and he realizes there is a lot he missed about Michael himself and about Michael and Bodi's relationship. It all starts to become clearer in the week the spend together fixing Michael's motorcycle as per his (last) request. This week is a time for Peter and Bodi to reconnect, for Peter to finally admit to Bodi he loved him all these years, and for Bodi to try and find the worth in himself he lost when he realized he was left behind. It's also time for Peter and Bodi to build a special, sweet and yet painful sort of a relationship. One Peter hopes can overcome Michael's death. The relationship buildup wasn't the usual one because it was based on need and pain, without either of them knowing how life would be a week from now. I loved every minute of it and yet I was near tears every time they pull apart. I don't want to say more because as it is, I said a lot more than I should have. I tried not to spoiler and I think in a way I didn't, because most of the things I revealed are either told early on or were quite obvious even when unsaid. This book was SO SO good in the most shattering way. It was emotional without being OTT, it was just so damn sad. I can totally see this story happening in any small town in which being gay is considered a sin. It's was awful seeing everyone turning their backs on them. The sermon of Michael's funeral was POWERFUL. There isn't a better word to describe it. It's too bad people doesn't realize that LIFE is more important that ANYTHING, and it's really doesn't worth DEATH, like the one Michael found when he was rejected from the very place he was lover and cared for an instant before (he was considered a sinner). HIGHLY RECOMMENDED (though be sure to have kleenex near by).More Reviews HERE

  • MsMiz (Tina)
    2019-05-19 08:56

    I want to say something really beautiful in this review, but that is not in me I think. This is one of those books were you and the characters can find love amongst broken glass. You will be simultaneously hopeful, yet always sad for the people and story.

  • Anita Bianchi
    2019-05-25 10:13, preparate i fazzoletti, preparatevi a soffrire ma preparatevi anche ad amare immensamente questa storia: "Paradiso Rimpianto" è, forse, uno dei romanzi migliori di questa bravissima autrice (e badate bene che ho adorato ogni suo dolorosissimo libro!).Peter è stato lasciato a Daisy, un piccolo e bigotto paesino della California, per vivere con sua zia poichè la madre giovane e indigente non riusciva più a prendersene cura. Il bimbo è sempre stato più maturo della sua età e, in qualche modo, diverso dai suoi coetanei: diversità che si è dimostrata anche con il suo enorme coraggio e la sua grandissima intelligenza. Ad accoglierlo a Daisy e a proteggerlo c'è sempre stato Michael, il cugino di Peter, un ragazzo che tutta la città adora. Ma a causa dell'ignoranza e dell'odio della piccola comunità, Michael si troverà a fare delle scelte che faranno soffrire chi ama e che lo faranno ritornare a casa in una bara. Peter è devastato ma deve farsi forza, per se stesso e per Bodi, il ragazzo fragile e sensibile che ha sempre amato.Questo romanzo è in linea con lo stile e con le storie di quest'autrice ma questa volta non ho sofferto atrocemente perchè ho trovato, proprio come Bodi, grande conforto nella forza e nella sicurezza di Peter.Anche la narrazione che ci fa scoprire a poco a poco cosa è successo e perchè Michael ha fatto quelle scelte ci permette di metabolizzare meglio la sofferenza (che comunque ci fa attraversare!).

  • Charles
    2019-06-08 10:09

    This is Amy Lane at her best (and that's really, really good.)Like Sidecar and Dex in Blue, this novel involves men who have been damaged by forces external and internal: in this case a combination of small-town bigotry and dat ol' time religion, in addition to internalized homophobia. Toss in the war in Afghanistan, and it sounds like a wrist-slasher; it really is completely the opposite.This is a story in which one of the MC's (Michael) is dead from the beginning of the book, yet he creates an equilateral leg in the triangle that (Kinsey 6) Peter is trying to break apart in order to establish his True Love (REALLY!) for the gentle, damaged Bodi; a man who was bewitched and loved but, ultimately, abandoned by "disgraced" town golden boy, Michael.Just reading this, I know it all sounds sooo depressing, but the story is truly one of triumph over ties to the past, as well as overcoming family and community bigotry. No one writes this shit like Amy Lane, and I can't recommend this too highly.And, yes, there is sex. Good, healthy, unrepressed, uninhibited, balls-out, healing sex.

  • Barb ~rede-2-read~
    2019-05-17 07:05

    This story was Amy Lane, Queen of Angst, at her best. Looking at my friend’s reviews, it appears that people either loved this story or hated it. I’m on the side of loved it. It was an in-your-face, emotional, head over heels tumble of angst, fear, grief, hate, and love. The MCs, Peter and Bodi, were hurt deeply by events that occurred in the past – events that drove a stake through the love that Bodi shared with Peter’s cousin Michael and severed Michael’s connection with Peter as well. As the story opens, we learn that Michael has been killed in action overseas. The author filled in the backstory in bits and pieces throughout the book. I have to admit that, in the beginning, I found the switches back and forth confusing, however, I adapted and thoroughly enjoyed the journey as Peter’s love for Bodi and Bodi’s love for Peter finally evolved and matured. Their joint grief for Michael and the way in which they chose to set his soul free was unique and fraught with deep emotional pain. Amy Lane evokes my emotions better than those in my “real life”. I highly recommend this book.

  • Deeze
    2019-06-07 12:14

    In theory this should have been the perfect story for me, and I should have been in tears throughout most of it. But sadly I just never connected.The back and forth telling was tricky, but my main aversion was the sexual violence that Peter encourages, even though its just once. I also didn't like Brodi when he was constantly pushing Peter away for his own good, I wanted to shake him. So while there was nothing actually wrong with this one, I just never connected with the guys like I expected too.Oh and one part that did niggle was after the violent sex with Peter being a virgin, he only had a tender backside? And was ready to go again a few hours later?

  • Rhys Ford
    2019-06-01 07:47

    Do not miss this book. Read this book. Do not stop go. Just grab a pint of ice cream, sit down and immerse yourself into Amy's fantastic writing! Her ability to set angst up to 11 doesn't fail her but see, there's also a tincture of humour and affection in everything she puts down on the page. This really is a complicated triangle of tangled emotions and self-exploration. Pick up Mourning Heaven. Oh and while you're there, grab everything else. Trust me on this one.

  • Paul
    2019-05-18 07:01

    If this is a mess and unreadable, it's because I can't focus on the screen for the tears. I don't have the wonderful words or eloquence of the other reviewers, so I won't try. Suffice it to say that I'm just a little more than wrecked, but in the most amazing way. I probably should have picked a less emotional read for the fourth anniversary of losing my partner, but sometimes a good cry is what you need to purge some stuff. Thank you Amy Lane for doing what you do and doing it so damned well.

  • Lily
    2019-05-27 15:12

    Despite the fact that Ms. Lane is one of my favorite authors I didn't enjoy this book very much. I struggled not only with the amount of angst throughout but also with the MCs. I just never connected with them and found how they fell into a physical relationship so quickly a bit odd. By the end of the story none of the characters really appealed to me, the relationship between Body and Peter had failed to capture me and frankly, it was a relief to be finished with the book.

  • Bea
    2019-06-07 06:51

    Can this author write a poor book? I don't think so. As always, Ms. Lane pens a story and characters that will move you. You will cry. You will laugh. You will cheer when they overcome.This book has a Promises feel, so that if you liked those books, I think you will like this one as well. This book just reinforces my belief that Ms. Lane is at the top of the list as a M/M author. Hell, as an author period.

  • Silkeeeeee
    2019-06-12 11:01

    Another emotional read from Amy Lane.

  • Victoria Zagar
    2019-06-01 12:07

    I received this book free as part of the Dreamspinner Press Valentine's Day promotion. Thank you Dreamspinner!Peter is abandoned by his mother and left to live with his aunt and cousin Michael in the small town of Daisy, California. Michael means the world to him, so when they both fall in love with the same man, Bodi Kovacs, Peter is okay with stepping aside as he knows Michael will take good care of Bodi. However, when tragedy strikes Bodi's family, Michael and Bodi's secret relationship is revealed and the entire town passes judgement on them. Michael flees, joining the military and leaving Bodi behind.In the aftermath of Michael's death, Peter and Bodi find themselves drawn together by the memory of a man they both admired and loved. It's Peter's turn to take care of Bodi now and give him the life that Michael wasn't strong enough to fight for.If you didn't guess from the title, Mourning Heaven is one hell of a tear-jerker. The tale of Michael and Bodi's destruction at the hands of small-town bigots left tears in my eyes many times, but it's Bodi's redemption that's really the best part of this story. If the pain came without the payoff, this novel wouldn't be nearly as entertaining but the conclusion is a satisfying one that makes the heartbreaking scenes worth crying for.Peter comes into Bodi's life and is determined to fix the damage Michael left in his wake. Peter's a stronger man than Michael ever was and its very satisfying to see him stand up to his aunt and others who blamed Bodi and Michael for something that wasn't their fault. Lane shows the good side but also the inherent flaws of most people - even Michael, the man that Peter held up on a pedestal, is far from perfect.Mourning Heaven packs a strong emotional punch and isn't for the weak-hearted. If you're looking for fluff, this won't be your game, but if you enjoy angst in spades you'll find plenty to love here. Peter and Bodi love beating themselves up about Michael's death and Daisy has plenty of hate for them, but their strength of nature and the healing power of love provide a good counterbalance. The setting and events are fully believable for small-town America, but some may find the insults and intolerance depicted a little too true-to-life.I absolutely have to recommend a book that made me feel this strongly. I've read a lot of books and it's pretty hard to make me cry at fiction these days, but Mourning Heaven had me reaching for the tissues with one hand as I turned the pages with the other. I was compelled to read on as I needed Bodi and Peter to find happiness and the ending certainly didn't disappoint. Mourning Heaven was a powerful novel and one that I'll definitely re-read in the future.This review was cross-posted on Infinite Love.

  • Saj
    2019-06-14 07:02

    A beautiful pain that should be felt. 5/5I have never felt this angry and hurt reading a story. Peter, Michael and Bodi were too young, too bright and at the same time, too miserable.I still can't understand how people dare to use God as an excuse for their ignorance and cruelty. Don't they have a heart? I really like Peter, his strong will and solid determination shone through the darkness in Bodi soul and kept him alive. Michael's death is tragic, so painful, so wasted... If he just had more faith in Bodi, in Peter and in the better things in life.From a love that ended in tragedy, bloomed a new one full of emotion and "life". I wish Michael had been still there, alive and fought for himself. But then it would have made a total different story....This book is a gem to feel, so I am kind of speechless and too confused right now to give a decent review. Read it yourself and go through the pain, because it HURTS so good!